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Transcripts of Donald Trump’s phone calls have been released and they’re completely wild

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Emily Reynolds
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Whatever you think of Trump, you’ve gotta admit that his way of speaking is...anachronistic to say the least. He finishes sentences in a way that bears almost no resemblance to the beginning and he punctuates almost everything with the phrase “sad”. Less “statesman-like orator”, more... not that.

Anyway: the Washington Post have published transcripts of a conversation between Trump and Australian PM Malcolm Turnbull and the president definitely lives up to his reputation as someone who has absolutely no idea what he’s doing or saying at any given moment.

The conversation starts off fine and fairly normally, as conversations with Donald Trump go – they discuss a mutual friend, Australian golfer Greg Norman, and exchange insincere pleasantries about how good it is to chat.

Once these are over, however, things start to get...weird. Weird and...almost completely incomprehensible. 

So. So: what Donald Trump is saying here – what the actual president of the United States is saying here – is that he is “the world’s greatest person that does not want to let people into the country”. 

The world’s greatest person…. that does not want to let people into the country. 

He’s also got all the numbers wrong, because of course he has – it’s 1,250 people, not 2000 or “like 5000”. 

But it’s the next part of the transcript that’s truly, truly baffling: 

Who are “the local milk people”? People who...make….milk? Dairy...farmers? White people? Truly baffling.

And now: the countdown to Trump’s angry tweets on the transcripts begins! The vague sense of dread and worry that the world will end because of an 140 character rant once more hovers above your head for the next week! 

It truly is great to be alive in the year of our lord 2017. 

(Images: Washington Post)