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These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe

The one-liner: it's the bread and butter of stand-up comedy. Crack a few quick gags, get the audience on side, and then off you go with your long expositions on life, love and all the rest of it.

But some people have turned this building block of laughter into an art form, a comedy skill celebrated with the release of the annual 15 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2016.

A panel put together by TV channel Dave scoured all of the shows across the festival before putting together a shortlist, which was subsequently shown to 2,000 Brits who voted for their favourite.

Without any further ado, read on and memorise these for the pub later tonight.

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe

    Phil Nicol

    “Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 1

    Zoe Lyons

    “I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 2

    Arthur Smith

    “Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 3

    Roger Swift

    “I spotted a marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 4

    Michelle Wolf

    “Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 5

    Jordan Brookes

    “Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 6

    Annie McGrath

    “Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 7

    Adele Cliff

    “Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks?  Because he’s Tudor.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 8

    Gary Delaney

    “I often confuse Americans and Canadians.  By using long words.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 9

    Tiff Stevenson

    “Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 10

    Will Duggan

    “I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use.  Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 11

    Mark Smith

    “Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 12

    Mark Watson

    “I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 13

    Stuart Mitchell

    “Why is it old people say 'there’s no place like home', yet when you put them in one…” 

  • These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe 14

    Masai Graham

    “My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card.  He’s a man after my own heart.” 

    On being awarded the top spot, Masai Graham, self-proclaimed “General Punochet”, said “I’m proud and honoured to win Joke of the Fringe. The funny thing is that it was Dave’s Joke of The Fringe that inspired me to become a comic. I remember picking up the paper years ago, reading the top 10 gags and wondering if I could write a decent one myself, so it feels fantastic to have actually won!”

    (Images: Rex/iStock/Getty)