We’re not gonna lie, 2017 has been a tough year for the UK, with four major, and one minor, terrorist incidents occurring since March, with 37 fatalities in total.
However, as tragic as these events were, the death toll pales into insignificance when compared to America, which has seen a staggering 1,719 deaths from gun violence this year, with the most deadly mass shooting in modern American history taking place on Sunday in Las Vegas, with 58 victims.
Us Brits look on with bafflement at the American obsession with guns and their steadfast refusal to even contemplate altering the second amendment (despite the fact that loads of other amendments have been made throughout the country’s history), but one angry American decided to fire back (thankfully, not literally) via Twitter.
England has a terrorist attack every hour and they have the balls to ask us why we want our guns?— Knave (@man_in_radiator) October 3, 2017
Unusually, for Twitter, this observation led not to a volley of abuse back in his direction but, instead, because we’re British, a lot of very excellent comebacks.
I think you're confusing terror attacks with Top Gear repeats on Dave.— (((Jon Connorton))) (@jonboyjon1976) October 3, 2017
I know right! I just realised that I’m running late for my 15:00 attack, and might have to reschedule the 16:00 one.— Robert Hook (@thebellman) October 3, 2017
16:00 was cancelled mate, so they're doing two at 17:00,but apparently thoughts and prayers for 4 are still valid at 5 so you should be ok.— Benj (@BeejPr) October 3, 2017
I can do 9.30pm, once bake off has finished, is that okay with everyone.— mollymoo very-fied🕶 (@mollyluna11) October 3, 2017
I’ve had a card from my terrorist saying sorry he missed me. Anyone know where I go to collect my attack?— Tim Binsley (@barongreenbacks) October 4, 2017
I know, just the other day some youth pushed over our dustbin, afraid to step outside my door these days...— lee (@xeshirtRL) October 3, 2017
Can someone please advise on what to do when clocks go backer later this month? Do we have just the one or do we double up?— Paul Kent (@kenty227) October 4, 2017
It's how we keep time...— CyberSaboteur (@Dervheid) October 3, 2017
One O'terrorist, Two O'terrorist...
Every hour, pah! I waited two hours for an act of terrorism and then three showed up together!— (((Eugenio))) (@emastro66) October 3, 2017
Sorry to tell you this old bean but we didn't have any today as the idiots tried to get here using Southern Rail.— Ian S (@iannlou) October 3, 2017
Can someone cover 9pm tomorrow for me, I need to watch Eastenders. Thanks.— Lino (@linopolis) October 3, 2017
England actually has a hissy fit every hour about the improper making of a cup of tea. Milk first?? Now that's an act of terror!— Cockles Faulkner (@CocklesFaulkner) October 4, 2017
(Very good Mandy)
Someone just made arm contact with me on the train for about 6 continuous seconds. If that's not an act of terror, I don't know what is.— Jennifer Mannion (@MoodyMannion) October 4, 2017
Due to essential maintenance the 11.00 is now a terrorist attack replacement bus service.— James Adams (@jamesradams) October 4, 2017
when we are free of the shackles of EU regulations we’ll improve this to one every 25 minutes.— calderio (@crcvch) October 4, 2017
See, what you've done there is mistaken "terrorist attack" with "rain".— Rootmarm (@Gosunkugi247) October 4, 2017
While @man_in_radiator (you might want to consider calling a plumber mate) stuck to his, erm, guns, he did manage quite a good reply of his own.
I currently have all of England hitting me with their umbrellas in my mentions.— Knave (@man_in_radiator) October 3, 2017
Gotta dash, need to make my next terrorist appointment…