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Donald Trump's mate "Jim" says we can't go to Paris anymore because it's "too dangerous"

Sounds like a reliable source

Donald Trump's mate "Jim" says we can't go to Paris anymore because it's "too dangerous"
24 February 2017

Another day, another case of Donald Trump saying something totally fucking ridiculous you can’t believe just came from the actual President’s mouth.

He spent a lot of today’s press conference banging on about “obliterating” ISIS, which sounds like something Cilit Bang does to those stubborn germs under the rim of your toilet, but things got really bizarre when he mentioned Paris.

Apparently we can’t go there anymore, because it’s “too dangerous”. His source? A bloke called Jim. No surname or anything, just a man called Jim, who Trump describes as “a friend” and “a pretty substantial guy”

Not even “very substantial”, just “pretty substantial”. And what does that even mean? Is Jim an important man? Is he just quite large? We really don’t know.

It’s honestly mind-boggling. The President of the United States has just told everyone we shouldn’t go to one of the most famous and beautiful cities in the world because a random bloke called Jim says so.

We don’t even know if Jim’s ever been to Paris. He might not even exist.

Here’s a video of Trump saying those actual words out loud, anyway. Not that you really even needed proof that it happened. You just believe all this shit immediately now, don’t you? None of it’s even surprising anymore. The President’s just written off Paris because his mate called Jim says it’s bad? Yeah alright, sounds legit, that’s just what happens now, isn’t it?

Image: Rex Features