Judd Apatow just gets us. That’s right, us, humans of the 21st century. He understands our thoughts/plans/fears and talks to audiences like you would a friend in a bar, ensuring his scripts, no matter how comedic, capture modern life at its most heartfelt, juvenile, and mundane.
Which is no more apparent than in 2007’s Knocked Up. And while much of the advice given in the film should be ignored at all cost - gravitational workings of sperm, 500 reasons why you should never wear a beard, etc. - there are some pearls of wisdom definitely worth abiding by.
Here are the best:
"You know how they say to never drink and drive? Well, never drink and bone."
"You old, she pregnant. Can't have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around. That's crazy."
Doorman [Craig Robinson]
"You know, the best thing for a hangover is weed - It's a cure all. My buddy Jonah broke his elbow one time. He just smoked some weed. It still clicks, but it's cool."
"Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever."
"It's doggie style. It's just the style. We don't have to go outside or anything."
"Life doesn't care about your vision. You just gotta roll with it."
"You never know who your friends are."
"You think because you don't yell, you're not mean."
"Isn't it weird how chairs exist even when you're not sitting on them?"
"Snitches end up in ditches!"
"That's why I got [an apartment] in East LA - the rent. It's huge! The only thing is we have to decide if we're gonna be Crips or Bloods before we get there."
"Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck - it's dangerous."
"[Cheaper by the Dozen] isn't funny. This guy's got twelve kids, that's not funny. That's a lot of responsibility to just be... laughing about."
"You criticise them [husbands] so much, they get down on themselves, and then they're forced to change!"
"Where we're going we don't need roads."