Entertainment

18 of the most disturbingly absurd Sunday Sport headlines

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Jamie Carson
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We live in an era of fake news thanks to the internet, the rise of social media and the general public’s capacity to believe any written word that’s put in front of them.

But all hope isn’t lost. We still have fine, well-respected print publications such as the Sunday Sport, who isn’t afraid to tell the good people of the UK the truth, like the national problems of sex dwarfs being eaten by badgers and working class men severely injuring their bellends.

Stay woke guys. Here’s 18 of the paper’s best stories...

When they revealed the true dangers of children’s accessory trends

And who we’re REALLY gorging on chow mein next to at our favourite all you can eat Chinese

Proving that Brian May doesn’t know what he’s talking about when he says don’t cull badgers, because they’re eating too many of our sex dwarfs

Erm...and the same for otters

When they uncovered the sex fiends roaming our supermarkets, keeping us safe from getting an eyeful of penis

Their lifestyle news is groundbreaking, educating us about which Labour MP lookalike bouncers you shouldn’t mess with

They weren’t afraid to talk about the decline of our education system and the lengths that kids would go through to not shit sit exams

Frankly we just feel safer knowing they’re out there getting scum like this off the streets

They’ve put your worries about the afterlife to rest

Because it’s most definitely real and all the greats are there

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They’ve shown us what amazing feats humans can accomplish if they just put their minds to it

And they revealed the terrors of travelling abroad that you never even realised could happen

Thanks Sunday Sport for showing us that OAPs aren’t as defenseless and weak as the mainstream media would have us believe

And well done for revealing another perverted children’s entertainment star

That time they revealed how cruel this country could be

But how beautiful it can also be

Thank God for the Sunday Sport

Because regular news is shit and we need them more than ever

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Jamie Carson

When he’s not pretending to be on the front of an album cover, Online Style Writer Jamie Carson can probably be found criticising your fashion credentials. Follow Jamie on Twitter @_jamie89

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