Christmas is bloody great, isn’t it? Time off. Presents. Meat. Mulled everything. Chocolate. Leftover meat. Yuletide telly. Whole wheels of cheese. Cold meat (pickles optional).
But, wait, what are those shapes in your periphery, growing larger by the second? They look a bit like you. They’re wearing paper hats, grinning, and beckoning you towards them. Oh Christ, now they’re mumbling abstract words like, “Charades?”, “Family game of Monopoly?” or, worse, “Well I’ll tell you when I would’ve triggered Article 50...”.
Festive cheer fading past, it hits you. These people are your family, and not only do they have you trapped till the day after Boxing Day, they’re approximately 45-seconds away from ruining your merry Christmas.
No longer. For now, due to the alluring, technological teat of your smartphone, you can giddily retreat into your favourite armchair, pull your Santa hat down low and disappear into a biosphere of gaming. Here are eight such offerings – all free – to safely see you through the Xmas break, until such point that you’re allowed to re-enter society.
But remember: always keep a spare battery, burner iPhone and working sockets within arm’s length, because should you find yourself without charge at any point, you might actually have to make eye contact with your relatives, produce an on-the-spot assessment of that night’s EastEnders episode &/or Donald Trump. And, great though he is for offering some whipsmart escapism, not even Mario’s super enough to save you from such evil.