Tracking the soaring stocks and junk bonds of social media, helping you to invest carefully and speculate wisely. (By Rhodri Marsden)
August 6th, 2013
"Not only of floral and rose, of an inhibition of desire and beauty."— Peter Simon Says (@PeterSimonSays) August 4, 2013
But when I consider this Twitter account, not once do I laugh at Peter Simon. I laugh with Peter Simon. This is just what happens when an over-exercised human mind rushes far, far ahead of the human mouth. It's not his fault. It's just his job. He's only obeying orders.
"Do you know what this does, and forgive me for this at home? This proportions you. It gives you a proportion."— Peter Simon Says (@PeterSimonSays) August 2, 2013
"This is 100ml of rugged, brutal, sensuous, enthralling male hormones of perfume."— Peter Simon Says (@PeterSimonSays) July 27, 2013
And let's face it, if it were us on screen trying to sell a range of faux-emerald jewellery, we'd probably end up saying stuff like this:
"A lot of us nowadays are nocturnal creatures, with the world going so fast and the events happening before us."— Peter Simon Says (@PeterSimonSays) May 12, 2013
I don't know what im doing rn lol— jace wayland (@gomezfrayy) August 5, 2013
August 5th, 2013
This was a triumphant day for Frank. In fact, he's achieved barefootedness very frequently of late. That's because it's summertime. Daytime temperatures in his part of Ontario average out at about 24ºC. I reckon that that's easily warm enough for bare feet, and Frank agrees.
After a coolish start it is going to remain bellow seasonal with a mix of sun and cloud, so shorts and t-shirts with sandals no socks— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) August 3, 2013
Today will be a mix of sun and cloud, with humidity so shorts and t-shirts or possible tanks/muscle shirts and sandals no socks or barefoot— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) July 31, 2013
Today will be another beautiful sunny day with some humidity, so shorts and t-shirts or tank tops/muscle shirts with sandals or barefoot— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) July 21, 2013
Frank even goes barefoot when it's raining.
Today will be a triple H day (hot, hazy,humid) so shorts and tank tops/muscle shirts with sandals no socks or barefoot— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) July 16, 2013
But you can sense his disappointment when the weather gets sufficiently cold for him to have to don some socks, even if they're of the "low cut" variety.
Today will be an all day rain event and be bellow seasonal, so rain gear and jeans with sandals/crocs no socks— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) June 13, 2013
You have to go back to February or so to find Frank reluctantly reaching for his regular socks.
Today continues to be unseasonably cold and mostly cloudy, so hoodies/sweaters and jeans/pants with shoes and low cut socks— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) June 7, 2013
And if you delve back to December you'll find him in thermals.
Today will be the beginning of the winter storm with a lot of snow, so winter jackets and pant/jeans and boots with reg socks— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) February 7, 2013
He'll occasionally chip in a seasonal greeting:
Today will be just under seasonal temps but cold with the wind chill so winter jackets and pants/jeans boots/shoes and reg or thermal socks— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) December 22, 2012
But most of the time it's just about the socks.
Merry Christmas! Today will be a little bit above seasonal so winter jackets and pants/jeans and shoes with ankle or regular socks— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) December 25, 2012
Or absence of them.
Today will be a repeat of yesterday, cold and wet so winter jackets and pants/jeans with shoes and ankle socks— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) October 28, 2012
Sometimes he leaves us hanging:
Today will be another hot and humid day, so shorts and tank tops/muscle shirts or topless with sandals/crocs no socks or barefoot— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) August 24, 2012
But he always lets us know in the end.
debating the winter jacket vs double sweatshirt and ankle socks vs low cut socks, will see after @Regis_and_Kelly today, stay tuned— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) March 31, 2011
Frank's been doing this for over two years, now. I think it's my favourite Twitter account ever. _________________________________
wellmit's a little dampish cold out, but I still went with double sweatshirts/hoodies and low cut socks— Frank Trudel (@nakedfeet69) March 31, 2011
I could now spend some time searching twitter for "jew", "nose", "greedy" and so on, but fortunately someone's saved me the bother and put 24 hours of Jewish stereotyping here, on Tumblr. There was also an associated Twitter account called @antitwemitism, but in the last few hours that's been suspended, which prompted this pertinent question by David Baddiel:
Bale to Madrid no doubt imminent but at least Levy the tight fisted Jew is investing early for a change. One more year please Gareth #PLEASE— Ads (@Pumper06) August 1, 2013
Highlighting, not propagating. But as we're now all hugely aware, it's possible to report accounts whose content you don't like. And despite Twitter being public, people really don't like attention being drawn to their racist moments. They figure that their loonball hatred of, say, the Portuguese will only be noticed by their followers, who presumably aren't particularly bothered by their loonball hatred of the Portuguese. And then it'll quietly pass under the radar until someone annoying flags it up. Hi!
If you started a Twitter account of everyone who hates people based upon their nationality, you'd quickly become very depressed, but it would probably look a little bit like this:
I think I hate every single fucking Portuguese person alive— Michael (@mickieandrw) August 1, 2013
Why is there so many bloody French people here!!😠— Giles Wright (@giles217) July 30, 2013
Sick to death of taking out NR's at Galway. Thick fucking Irish leprechauns.— Jonathan Mullin (@JonMullin_84) August 1, 2013
I hate Russians— trippy◽ (@Project__Wyatt) August 1, 2013
Damn i know this school gonna be lame, all mexicans, FUCK!— Chris powell (@06heats) July 28, 2013
I HATE INDONESIANS LAH FIRSTLY STEAL MY PHONE THEN EVERY WHERE I GO BEG ME FOR MONEY THEN NOW THE HAZE FML— Grace Kechelly ✿ (@drugsrtasty) June 21, 2013
fucking japs jesus christ fuck off— Andrea (@_heyitsandrea) July 31, 2013
Italian twats— Dr. Sheldon Cooper (@TylerArthur69) June 5, 2013
Scottish wankers— Erin (@ehrym) July 27, 2013
Easily done. But y'know, I'm not sure what purpose it would serve. It would mainly reinforce the logic that a) some people are idiots, b) twitter is used by people, thus c) twitter is used by some idiots.
Fuckin Chinese bastards can't drive— Zeeshan Ali (@Zeeshan_711) July 25, 2013
Driving the idiots off Twitter is like trying to drive the idiots out of Leicester, or Mannheim, or Sao Paolo. Horribly time consuming, and constantly begging the question of where they're all going to end up.
twitter is boring— Dallas Villarreal (@DallasVillarre3) July 31, 2013
twitter is boring— Chas Leonard (@ChasLeonard2) July 31, 2013
Of course, Twitter is only as boring as the people you're following. If you're following self-proclaimed Boring Tweeter @b0ringtweets, you'll have your days enlivened and enriched by revelations such as this:
Twitter is boring so bye— ♡♡ (@gisselle__xo) July 31, 2013
I've just walked past a shop.— Boring Tweeter (@b0ringtweets) July 31, 2013
And, on a daily basis, the fact that he's just texted Steve:
I've just said hello to somebody.— Boring Tweeter (@b0ringtweets) July 29, 2013
Thing is, @b0ringtweets knows what he's doing. He's not as boring as he likes to think he is. He (and I think he's dropped enough hints for us to conclude that he's a he) has gone from having 70 followers to 70,000 followers in the space of two months. He's created a hunger amongst a section of Twitter community for this kind of information. For example, some poor sap on Twitter can mention they like potato salad and no-one gives a shit:
Just texted Steve.— Boring Tweeter (@b0ringtweets) July 29, 2013
But when @b0ringtweets does it, it gets retweeted 106 times.
I like potato salad— amginE (@KAYSMO0VE) July 26, 2013
@b0ringtweets has actually made his yearning for potato salad Not Boring. He's failing at his own game. If he was doing his job properly, he'd be posting things like this:
I might have a potato salad for my tea. I like potato salad. It is nice.— Boring Tweeter (@b0ringtweets) July 29, 2013
NEW: Owing to delay on inward service 2048 Blackburn to Colne running 20 minutes later than scheduled— Northern Rail (@northernrailorg) July 30, 2013
Who's excited to hear our new album?— BeneathTheSpinLight (@beneathtsl) July 31, 2013
As it is, he's regularly engaging in gently amusing banter with Ricky Gervais and developing his own catchphrases. Come on, @b0ringtweets! Try harder!
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