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The Twitter Index

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Tracking the soaring stocks and junk bonds of social media, helping you to invest carefully and speculate wisely. (By Rhodri Marsden)

July 18th

Rising: #howardshelpline

What with Take That being on something of a hiatus until they record their next album of challenging dub-metal soundscapes, Howard Donald has to find things to fill his time. Zipping across Europe in order to DJ at people with their arms in the air takes up a certain amount of time, but when he's not doing that he offers a Twitter-based helpline to his followers. Whatever your problem, Howard's your man. Here are some current questions sitting in Howard's in tray, waiting for him to fire up Twitter and sort them out: No topic is too daunting for Howard. He just sits at his computer, thinks for a moment, and then digitally splurges his thoughts. Rather splendidly, he also includes the question in his reply, and the all-important #howardshelpline hashtag, thus leaving barely any room for the answer itself. We're all so busy these days that Howard's candour and brevity is to be applauded. But he's wasted on these minutiae. We need him to tackle the bigger issues. Come on, Howard. Jump to it.

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July 16th

Flatlining: "Temperature Analysis"

It's been two months since it was pretty cold for this time of year. Now it's quite hot for this time of year. I've got a digital thermometer on my shelf and it's telling me that it's 27ºC, but if I wasn't aware of the temperature, either from looking at the digital thermometer or sensing the temperature using a combination of my skin and my brain, I'd have Twitter to tell me. Hang on a minute, though. I've got no idea where these people live. Twitter may be global, but weather forecasts are not. These people are cold. For these people, however, the weather today is just right. This Twitter Index has been a bit like Goldilocks And The Three Bears, except with less porridge. Tomorrow: more porridge, depending.


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