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The 10 Most Ridiculous Moments From Sepp Blatter's Time At FIFA

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We thought they'd only carry him out of the FIFA President's office in a large wooden box, but Sepp Blatter has, to the surprise of almost everyone, announced that he is resigning as FIFA's head honcho, following a week of scandal, arrests and accusation that made Watergate look like a trifling matter.

Since taking the reigns in 1998, Blatter has withstood an almost constant barrage of criticism of the organisation he leads, culminating in the US attorney general Loretta Lynch declaring that corruption at FIFA was “rampant, systemic and deep-rooted” - nonetheless, this didn't stop him winning his latest fifth term as president last week.

Until this very moment, Blatter has appeared to be a man who could say pretty much anything he wants and get away with it. And saying pretty much anything he wants is exactly what he's been doing for the last 17 years. We take a look at his most ridiculous moments: if you didn't laugh, you'd cry.



SEPP ADVANCES THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT

"Let the women play in more feminine clothes like they do in volleyball. They could, for example, have tighter shorts. Female players are pretty, if you excuse me for saying so, and they already have some different rules to men – such as playing with a lighter ball. That decision was taken to create a more female aesthetic, so why not do it in fashion?"

Sepp's advice on how to attract more followers to women's sports there. We had to doublecheck to make sure Germaine Greer hadn't said it but, no, it's definitely Sepp.

Sepp Blatter

"So just wear that with a pair of boots and that's pretty much perfect"


SEPP RESPECTS THE FUNDAMENTALS OF THE GAME HE IS THERE TO PROTECT

"Every game should have a winner. When you play cards or any other game, there's always a winner and a loser. We should have the courage to introduce a final decision in every game of football."

Sepp considers banning draws in football. Because penalty shoot-outs are always so fair aren't they?

Silly goalkeeper

"Let's also make goalkeepers wear comedy glasses and have comically small goals. Jazz it up a bit"


SEPP FIGHTS FOR GAY RIGHTS

"I would say they should refrain from any sexual activities."

Sepp advises how gay fans should behave during the forthcoming 2022 World Cup in Qatar, where homosexuality is banned. To be fair, the best advice for going to a racist country is just to refrain from being black, isn't it?

Sepp Blatter

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't wear that in Qatar if I were you Steve"


SEPP TACKLES RACISM HEAD-ON

"I would deny it. There is no racism. There is maybe one of the players towards another - he has a word or a gesture which is not the correct one. But the one who is affected by that, he should say, 'this is a game. We are in a game, and at the end of the game, we shake hands'."

Sepp's suggestion to players for how to deal with racist comments during a match. He's really got this discrimination thing nailed, hasn't he?

Sepp Blatter

"Just run away if they say anything nasty to you, you're good at that"


SEPP BELIEVES THAT TIMING IS CRUCIAL

“I asked him to resign: ‘Enough is enough, Sepp.’ He listened to me, but he told me it is too late.”

Michel Platini describing Sepp's reaction to his suggestion that he relinquish his post in the wake of the stunning arrests in Switzerland. Seemingly now, though, it's not too late.

Sepp Blatter

"You must be lion." "No, you're the one who's lying! Haha!" "Good one mate."


SEPP REFERENCES THE SLAVE TRADE WITH DUE RESPECT

"There's too much modern slavery, in transferring players or buying players."

Sepp, suggesting that Manchester United should sell Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid when the Spanish club were trying to buy him in 2008. It's always good to pick metaphors wisely, and Sepp's really picked an uncontroversial one there.

Cristiano Ronaldo

The yolk of slavery weighs heavily upon Ronaldo's shoulders


SEPP IGNORES THE TANKS ROLLING IN BEHIND HIM

"Crisis? What is a crisis? Football is not in a crisis." - Sepp in 2011 after accusations of corruption in FIFA.

“I know many people hold me ultimately responsible [but] I cannot monitor everyone all the time. If people want to do wrong, they will also try to hide it... Let this be the turning point. More needs to be done to make sure everyone in football behaves responsibly and ethically." - Sepp the day after the US arrests of FIFA officials on corruption charges.

There's no way Sepp could have done anything about it in the last 17 years, he's not a miracle worker, eh?

Comical Ali

"You can trust us! We're brilliant and not corrupt at all!"


SEPP SHOWS HIS DEEP CONCERN FOR WORKER CONDITIONS IN QATAR

"In Qatar they are working in big companies from Germany, from France, from England and from other European countries and they are responsible [for] ... their workers and not FIFA," 

Sepp also said the workers are now having "better conditions" thanks to the World Cup.

Sepp Blatter: practically the new Bob Crow.

Sepp Blatter Qatar

"Please can we have it? I promise we won't kill many...sorry...any people"


SEPP STANDS BY THE QATAR WORLD CUP DECISION

"Of course, it was a mistake. You know, one makes a lot of mistakes in life. The technical report indicated clearly that it was too hot in summer, but despite that the executive committee decided with quite a big majority that the tournament would be in Qatar."

Well, we're all human aren't we Sepp? We all make mistakes. This one isn't your mistake though, of course. No. Of course not.

Sepp Blatter

"I'm only the President, what could I have done about it? Out of my hands I'm afraid."


SEPP FALLS OFF STAGE

Who said he couldn't bring the house down?


(Images: Rex/Getty)

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