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We got Michael Owen to review the handful of movies he’s ever finished watching

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Michael Owen, famously, does not like films.

So who better to review the films he has seen? Someone unsullied by Hollywood gossip and the desire to be seen to be following the trends – he’ll give us the God’s honest truth, no holds barred.

Over to you Michael.


“I haven’t watched many films. I’ve seen all the Rockys to be fair, so that’s five. There’s a sixth is there? Didn’t know that. Rocky IV’s my favourite film. Didn’t like Rocky I, it’s rubbish.”

Rocky

“I watched Creed the other day. It was alright. My wife kept badgering me, so I watched it on a flight to Dubai. I’d have preferred a good documentary, to be honest. I like factual stuff. I don’t like being kidded by anything.

Creed

“That’s my problem with films: I just can’t believe it. I sit there, thinking, ‘I wonder how many takes that took?’ and ‘is that a stuntman?’ The big action fights are so far-fetched I shake my head in disbelief: people shooting each other, rolling over with bullets just missing them, jumping off of trains. How can anyone believe that?”

“I’ve seen Heat. Wasn’t great.”

Heat

“I preferred Ghost. My older sister had it on once, I think I was eight years old. It was alright. I can’t really remember what happened. I think it was quite emotional.”

Ghost

“I thought Jurassic Park was quite good, actually. I had to watch it twice in the space of 10 days, though. I was at Liverpool but my dad wanted me to try out different clubs. I went for a training week at Arsenal and they took all the kids to the cinema to watch Jurassic Park. The next week, I had a trial at Manchester United and they did exactly the same thing. It was painful.”

Jurassic Park

“When we were 17, my wife and I properly got back together. She said, ‘Come round and we’ll watch a film.’ It was Cool Runnings. I went along with it to try and impress her. As soon as she pressed play I was in Hell, having to pretend I liked it. I told her a few weeks later that films weren’t my thing.”

Cool Runnings

So there you go Hollywood: must do better.

(Images: AllStar/iStock/BT Sport)

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