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Rihanna's new NSFW music video is her craziest yet

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Word to the wise: don’t be a bitch and whatever you do don’t owe Rhianna money.

This advice comes after the video premiere for the pop songstress's video for Bitch Better Have My Money, a seven minute romp of flesh, violence, kidnapping, drug use and one very special cameo.

Here we present a rundown of its ridiculousness. And you can watch the video at the bottom.


A box - how mysterious.

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Rich woman does rich things.

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Rhianna pulls up, presumably straight from the Shut Up And Drive video

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The two women meet in a lift. Rihanna appears to be dressed like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. With a huge suitcase that is...

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Now full of 'rich woman.' The dog seems absolutely fine with all of this.

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Two helpers lift her into the car and Rihanna smokes because she's the original Bad Gurl or something.

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And now they're on an a road trip with a naked kidnapped woman. Morally there are quite a lot of things going wrong right now.

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Annnnnd the kidnapped woman is now swinging around half-naked in some abandoned shack looking like Jaws.

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Part of us wonders if Rihanna is trying to make this 'awkward sexy.' It's mostly just awkward.

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Rhianna: 'I knew we should have brought the people carrier. Far bigger trunk space.'

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Who uses payphones anymore? Oh that's right - kidnappers making ransom demands. 

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At this point said victim is probably less perturbed about being kidnapped and more worried about her chief captor is singing songs to an imaginary audience.

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Great, now the car's on fire, but don't worry because...

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THEY'RE ON A BOAT!

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A rather big boat. Is this the normal protocol for a kidnapping?

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Ri-Ri's on a phone again. Furious.

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But not as livid when as she'll be back on dry land when the sheriff turns up.

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She's quickly knocked unconscious and the girls go all Weekend At Bernie's.

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Oh no - the cop is back, quick hide the kidnapped rich lady

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Ri-Ri carefully picks her weaponry (including a chainsaw) and mulls over her next move. Consummate pro she is.

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WHAT THE HELL? THE BITCH IS MADS MIKKELSEN, HANNIBAL HIMSELF!

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It all make sense now! (It doesn't).

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She kills him. Then again, he probably ate people anyway.

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But she finally gets her money and sits in the box - you know, the one from the start, remember? The one that looks like it's been lifted from Old Boy? Yeah, that one.

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