Literary sex is a lot like real sex: some of it is good, some of it is bad, and some of it is so awful you dare not speak about it again.
In case you’d forgotten, Morrissey’s debut fiction novel List of the Lost came in for a universal ribbing on its release earlier this year due to one horrifically clunky sex scene, and now it’s rightfully been shortlisted for the Literary Review's 23rd Bad Sex in Fiction awards.
Though if there’s any saving grace for Mozza, it’s that he’s joined by Norwegian heavyweight Tomas Espedal, US crime writer George Pelecanos and Lauren Groff, whose work Fates and Furies was just picked by Amazon as book of the year, highlighting that even the best novelists can get literary sex scenes awkwardly wrong.
Even so, we can't help shake the feeling this will be one award that the singer is destined to win.
We know the man thinks meat is murder, but he went above and beyond in butchering the pleasures of the flesh in his book.
You can read the most cringe-worthy of the entries below. Just prepare to gag.