This site contains affiliate links to products. We may receive a commission for purchases made through these links. Learn more

These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe

Memorise these for the pub

These are the 15 funniest one-liners from the Edinburgh Fringe

The one-liner: it's the bread and butter of stand-up comedy. Crack a few quick gags, get the audience on side, and then off you go with your long expositions on life, love and all the rest of it.

But some people have turned this building block of laughter into an art form, a comedy skill celebrated with the release of the annual 15 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2016.

A panel put together by TV channel Dave scoured all of the shows across the festival before putting together a shortlist, which was subsequently shown to 2,000 Brits who voted for their favourite.

Without any further ado, read on and memorise these for the pub later tonight.

Phil Nicol

“Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word.” 


Zoe Lyons

“I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses.” 


Arthur Smith

“Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.” 


Roger Swift

“I spotted a marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.” 


Michelle Wolf

“Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first.” 


Jordan Brookes

“Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.” 


Annie McGrath

“Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?” 


Adele Cliff

“Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks?  Because he’s Tudor.” 


Gary Delaney

“I often confuse Americans and Canadians.  By using long words.” 


Tiff Stevenson

“Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.” 


Will Duggan

“I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use.  Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second.” 


Mark Smith

“Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.” 


Mark Watson

“I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.” 


Stuart Mitchell

“Why is it old people say 'there’s no place like home', yet when you put them in one…” 


Masai Graham

“My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card.  He’s a man after my own heart.” 

On being awarded the top spot, Masai Graham, self-proclaimed “General Punochet”, said “I’m proud and honoured to win Joke of the Fringe. The funny thing is that it was Dave’s Joke of The Fringe that inspired me to become a comic. I remember picking up the paper years ago, reading the top 10 gags and wondering if I could write a decent one myself, so it feels fantastic to have actually won!”

(Images: Rex/iStock/Getty)