Amid the high-pitched hysteria around The Force Awakens, it's all too easy to forget that some people don't feel remotely excited about the return of the Star Wars world. These people may be a minority but, like all minorities, they deserve to be heard. We've written an easy-to-memorise guide for anyone who doesn't want to be left out of office conversations but wouldn't know a Wookiee if they woke up on top of one. Here's how to respond if you are confronted with any of the following sentences.
You a Star Wars fan?
Star Wars? Boy do I love Star Wars. Give me star wars over regular wars any day. Lovely stuff, that Star Wars.
What's your take on the prequels?
Prequels? Don't get me STARTED on those effing prequels. I'm still angry about them – still sufficiently angry that I can't discuss them in any detail.
What was he thinking??
Stop talking. I love Star Wars too much, as we have established.
Empire Strikes Back's the best, right?
Empire Strikes Back is the best, I was just about to say those exact words.
Who's your favourite character?
All of those characters are like family to me. It would be like choosing between my mum and my dad. I cannot and I will not do it.
Yoda? Do you like Yoda?
Yoda I like.
Yoda I like. [Repeat until conversation moves on.]
Princess Leia – phwoar, eh?
Oh gosh. Just thinking about Princess Leia is enough to make me sexually aroused, which is what's happening right now.
Hey, what do you reckon to the theory that Qui-Gon Jinn is a secret Sith?
I was saying that just the other day while watching Star Wars. There's a high chance they got that from me.
Always good to hear a quote from Star Wars.
You seen The Force Awakens?
Well of course I've seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens. What do you think I am? Some kind of nerd?
Did you go to a midnight screening?
What did you reckon?
It's up there, isn't it.
Did you think it lived up to the hype?
That just isn't for me to say. I'd like to let history be the judge.
At least there was no Jar Jar Binks!
Jar Jar Binks is worse than the death of a close friend.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha. Great times.
Well – speak to you later. Hey – may the Force be with you.
Ha ha ha. Star Wars.