Type your details into this website and it’ll tell you exactly how old you are, in more ways than you could ever have wanted
Getting old is something nobody enjoys, and when it’s something you do every single day, it makes it extremely hard to avoid. We’re pretty sure you still get older even if you go back in time - it’s absolutely impossible to escape - even Benjamin Button got old, but he was getting younger! GAH!
Anyway, it’s best to just accept it, because it’s inevitable and if you worry about it, you’ll age far faster than if you just sit back and enjoy it. And if the latter is your outlook, then DON’T LOOK AT THIS GODDAMN WEBSITE WHATEVER YOU DO.
Someone, an age-hating psycopath with a side-business in coding, has created a website - accurately titled you.regettingold.com that will calculate exactly how old you are, in so many different ways.
Like, sure, you know your actual age, but did you know how many days you’ve lived? What about how many candles you’ve had on your birthday cakes throughout the years? What about - and this one will really drag your mortality to the forefront of your dying mind - how many times your heart has beaten? No!
Like, what the hell is this:
This is info you do not need to know, ever. Time is not a concept it is worth anybody thinking about, lest they want a ghoulish skeleton to stare back at them every time they look in the mirror. Because that’s what’s happened, by the way. Zombies, everywhere, wearing our clothes. There’s no going back.
Anyway - click here if you fancy it and discover a load of extra details like how more time has elapsed between you being born and now and you being born and the second world war ending, that sort of jolly thing. Also, lots of actually-very-interesting landmark world events that happened at particular points in your life. You’d forgotten them all hadn’t you?
Or don’t click here, because we all did in the office and now we’re all just sitting silently staring dead ahead, the salt of a single tear staining our cheek, worried that our hearts, having beaten OVER A BILLION TIMES already must surely be basically knackered and ready to pack it in at any moment. Productivity is over. We are all 1000 years old.