You, with your old iPhone, getting all het up because it’s going slowly, whipping your jockstrap into a right old tizzy because it’s taking ages to load Insta and you absolutely need to see what Selena Gomez is up to right this godforsaken instance.
But why exactly are you on the cusp of throwing a wobbly? Why is your phone a shiny plastic sloth? Well, it’s because Apple have slowed down your phone on purpose - they’ve admitted it.
Essentially, on older iPhone models, Apple have begun throttling the performance of the handsets to stop them overworking and shutting down, thereby saving you going into full-on meltdown mode. They’re doing this because batteries degrade over time, and eventually they can’t cope with all the scrolling and gaming and whatever the hell else it is you’re doing on that infernal gadget.
But how do you know if you’re on the Apple hit-list? Well, it’s quite easy, and I’m about to tell you, so pop on your helmet, Igor, it’s gonna be a stinky ride:
1. Download an app that tracks the speed of your iPhone’s main chip
A good example is Lirum Info Lite, which offers all the in-depth info you need to impress the staff down your local
2. Check your main chip speed
Head to options, hit ‘This Device’, then hit ‘CPU’. On that menu screen, check the ‘CPU Actual Clock’ against the ‘CPU Maximum Clock’.
If both of those values are the same, then lucky you! Your iPhone isn’t being throttled, and you can breathe easy. That’s it. How simple.
If - and I don’t blame you - you’re not too keen on the spindly digital fingers of Apple clasping around your phone’s neck, then you might not be throttled if you’re still running an older version of iOS.
For example, with the iPhone 6, 6s and SE, the limiting feature was introduced with iOS 10.2.1, so if you’ve got one of those phones but the older operating system, you should be fine. The same goes with the 7 generation, where the feature was introduced in iOS 11.2, so it might be a good idea to downgrade, if at all possible.
Either way, your best bet is probably just getting a new battery - if you’re still in warranty, that’s a big fat zero pounds you’ll have to pay for the pleasure. Outside of that, it’s now £25, which is still cheaper than a new phone.
If you want to know exactly how much your battery has degraded, and whether you actually need to replace it, I’d suggest heading into an Apple store, as battery-monitoring apps aren’t as accurate - you might end up shelling out when you don’t necessarily need to.
Of course, the best method for stopping your battery degrading is to throw your dumb iPhone in the bin, grow a beard and live in a cave, eating centipedes and working on your self-help book: How to Lose Phones and Eat Centipedes. Good luck!
(Image: Saulo Mohana)