Gaming

Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom

Video games can be deep.

Like many other forms of entertainment, just as you've unplugged your brain and began to ease into a pit of relaxation, they sneak up alongside you and smack you between the eyes with a big fat wisdom bomb. 

Or, they do something like this... 

Well thanks, confusingly sexual naked cat lady.

This is just one of the many segments of video game wisdom collected together by our new favourite Twitter account, Video Game Advisor

Purporting to offer "Sage advice from the world's most trusted source: video games", it's the humorous blast of nostalgia you've been needing in your Twitter feed. 

Here are some of its best proverbs to date.

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom

    Harkin (Mass Effect)

    Year: 2007

    "Secrets are like herpes: If you got 'em, might as well spread 'em around."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 1

    Oregon Trail

    Year: 1971

    "...the harder you have to try, the more points you deserve!"

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 2

    The Jackal (Far Cry 2)

    Year: 2008

    "You can't break a man the way you do a dog or a horse. The harder you beat a man, the taller he stands."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 3

    G Man (Half-Life 2)

    Year: 2004

    "The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 4

    John Marston (Red Dead Redemption)

    Year: 2010

    "Some trees flourish, others die. Some cattle grow strong, others are taken by wolves. Some men are born rich enough and dumb enough to enjoy their lives. Ain't nothing fair."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 5

    Andrew Ryan (BioShock)

    Year: 2007

    "We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 6

    Naomi Hunter (Metal Gear Solid)

    Year: 1998

    "You mustn't allow yourself to be chained to fate, to be ruled by your genes. Human beings can choose the kind of life that they want to live. What's important is that you choose life... and then live."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 7

    Nick (Left 4 Dead 2)

    Year: 2009

    "Technically, you're not supposed to use an elevator in a fire. But that might not apply during a zombie apocalypse."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 8

    Ada Wong (Resident Evil 6)

    Year: 2012

    "The more things change, the more they stay the same."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 9

    Quelana of Izalith (Dark Souls)

    Year:

    "Always fear the flame, lest you be devoured by it, and lose yourself."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 10

    Zoltan Chivay (The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings)

    Year: 2011

    "Drinking alone's as bad as shitting in company."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 11

    Emperor Uriel Septim VII (Elder Scrolls: Oblivion)

    Year: 2006

    "Men are but flesh and blood. They know their doom, but not the hour."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 12

    Max Payne (Max Payne)

    Year: 2001

    "Dreams have a nasty habit of going bad when you're not looking."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 13

    HK-47 (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic)

    Year: 2003

    "One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards." (Quoting Oscar Wilde, the clever little droid)

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 14

    Sheik (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

    Year: 1998

    "Time passes, people move. Like a river's flow, it never ends. A childish mind will turn to noble ambition."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 15

    Niko Bellic (Grand Theft Auto IV)

    Year: 2008

    "War is when the young and stupid are tricked by the old and bitter into killing each other."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 16

    Dr Wallace Breen (Half-Life 2)

    Year: 2004

    "Be wise. Be safe. Be aware."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 17

    Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)

    Year: 1998

    "Unfortunately, killing is just one of those things that gets easier the more you do it."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 18

    Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII)

    Year: 1999

    "Right and wrong are not what separate us and our enemies. It's our different standpoints, our perspectives that separate us. Both sides blame one another. There's no good or bad side. Just two sides holding different views."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 19

    Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)

    Year: 1997

    "Nobody is perfect... That is of course until you fall in love with them..."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 20

    Sniper (Team Fortress 2)

    Year: 2007

    "At the end of the day, as long as there are two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 21

    Cortana (Halo 3)

    Year: 2007

    "Don’t make a girl a promise if you know you can’t keep it."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 22

    Detective Rusty Galloway (L. A. Noire)

    Year: 2011

    "You crunch a roach under your heel, you don't worry about what it's feeling, you just grind it into the pavement."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 23

    Chesty (Fable 2)

    Year: 2008

    "Because that's how games work. Winners get prizes and losers bleed a lot and then get eaten by worms."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 24

    Sheva Alomar (Resident Evil 5)

    Year: 2009

    "There's only so much one person can do."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 25

    Cave Johnson (Portal 2)

    Year: 2011

    "Science isn't about why - it's about why not."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 26

    Martin Finnegan (BioShock)

    Year: 2007

    "If you can't come in from the cold, then you gotta grow ice over your heart."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 27

    Ezio (Assassin's Creed II)

    Year: 2007

    "Don’t ever stop. Always keep going, no matter what happens and is taken from you. Even when life is so unfair, don’t give up."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 28

    Foo Priest (Dragon Warrior VII)

    Year: 2000

    "Honesty is the key to any relationship. If you can fake that, you're set."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 29

    Samus Aran (Metroid: Other M)

    Year: 2010

    "My past is not a memory. It's a force at my back. It pushes and steers. I may not always like where it leads me, but like any story, the past needs resolution. What's past is prologue."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 30

    Braid

    Year: 2008

    "Our world, with its rules of causality, has trained us to be miserly with forgiveness. By forgiving too readily, we can be badly hurt. But if we've learned from a mistake and become better for it, shouldn't we be rewarded for the learning, rather than punished for the mistake?"

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 31

    Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

    Year: 2013

    "A famous explorer once said, that the extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 32

    Sword teacher (The Secret of Monkey Island)

    Year: 1990

    "Swordfighting is a little like making love. It's not always what you do, but what you say."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 33

    Carl Johson (Grand Theft Auto San Andreas)

    Year: 2004

    "We all know drugs are for losers, and/or sex maniacs..."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 34

    Pandora (God of War III)

    Year: 2010

    "Hope is what makes us strong. It is why we are here. It's what we fight with when all else is lost."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 35

    Emperor Yoshiro (Command and Conquer 3)

    Year: 2007

    "Given enough time, any man may master the physical. Given enough knowledge, any man may become wise. It is a true warrior, who can master both."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 36

    Waka (Okami)

    Year: 2006

    "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. So just take it step by step."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 37

    Ryu (Street Fighter Alpha 3)

    Year: 1998

    "True victory is to give all of yourself, without regret."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 38

    Kellogg (Fallout 4)

    Year: 2015

    "The thing about happiness is that you only know you had it when it's gone. I mean, you may think to yourself that you're happy. But you don't really believe it. You focus on the petty bull ****, or the next job, or whatever. It's only looking back by comparison with what comes after that you really understand, that's what happiness felt like."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 39

    Mercy (Overwatch)

    Year: 2016

    "Heroes never die."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 40

    Nathan Drake (Uncharted 3)

    Year: 2011

    "All men dream - but not equally. Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity... But the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible. This I did." From T. E. Lawrence's Seven Pillars of Wisdom

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 41

    Bayonetta (Bayonetta)

    Year: 2010

    "When you love something, never lose it. Understand, little one? You must keep it safe, close to your heart."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 42

    Manuel Calavera (Grim Fandango)

    Year: 1998

    "You can't hide from the Grim Reaper. Especially when he's got a gun."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 43

    Chronicle of the Metal Age (Thief II)

    Year: 2000

    "Reliance upon others is weakness for the strong but strength for the weak. Wisdom and balance lie in knowing your own nature over time."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 44

    Final Doom

    Year: 1996

    "Remember to tell your grandkids to put a rocket launcher in your coffin. If you go to Hell when you die, you’ll need it for some final cleaning-up..."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 45

    Magus (Chrono Trigger)

    Year: 1995

    "The weak only strive to be weaker."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 46

    Alucard Tepes (Castlevania)

    Year: 1997

    "You must always remember that the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." (Quoting an observation thought to be originally made by philosopher Edmund Burke)

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 47

    Youngster (Pokémon Blue/Red/Yellow)

    Year: Various

    "I like shorts! They’re comfy and easy to wear!"

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 48

    Morrigan (Dragon Age: Origins)

    Year: 2009

    "There's no fool like a drunken fool. So Mother told me, and 'tis still true."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 49

    The Mind (System Shock 2)

    Year: 1999

    "What is a drop of rain, compared to the storm? What is a thought, compared to the mind?"

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 50

    Peppy Hare (Lylat Wars/Star Fox 64)

    Year: 1997

    "Never give up. Trust your instincts."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 51

    Fallout

    Year: 1997

    "War. War never changes"

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 52

    Secret of Mana

    Year:

    "Time flows like a river, and history repeats..."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 53

    Strong (Fallout 4)

    Year: 2016

    "Milk is secret to humans. Mack Beth say milk make humans strong. Stronger than super mutants. Strong find milk, drink milk. Make super mutants stronger than humans."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 54

    Soldier:76 (Overwatch)

    Year: 2016

    "I'm not a young man anymore."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 55

    Victor Sullivan (Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception)

    Year: 2011

    "We don't get to choose how we start in this life. Real 'greatness' is what you do with the hand you're dealt."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 56

    Adam Jenson (Deus Ex: Human Revolution)

    Year: 2011

    "Corporations have more power than the government."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 57

    Amy Chen (TimeSplitters: Future Perfect)

    Year: 2005

    "People who use their own names for their passwords deserve to be hacked."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 58

    Minsc (Baldur's Gate)

    Year: 1998

    "Cities always teem with evil and decay."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 59

    Altair (Assassin's Creed)

    Year: 2007

    "Only a mind free of impediments is capable of grasping the chaotic beauty of the world."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 60

    Ignitus (The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon)

    Year: 2008

    "Even in the darkest of times, there is always hope. But sometimes fear clouds our vision. Sometimes our strength gives out. And yet sometimes, when all seems lost, a light shines through the darkness, and we are reminded that even the smallest amount of courage can turn the tides of war."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 61

    Gouken (Super Street Fighter IV)

    Year: 2010

    "We are all our own worst enemy. But also our best teacher."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 62

    Micolash (Bloodborne)

    Year: 2015

    "Grant us eyes, grant us eyes. Plant eyes on our brains, to cleanse our beastly idiocy."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 63

    Clay Kaczmarek (Assassin's Creed: Revelations)

    Year: 2011

    "What is a man but the sum of his memories? We are the stories we live, the tales we tell ourselves."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 64

    Rose (Street Fighter Alpha 3)

    Year: 1998

    "Every action has the potential to fill or empty one's heart."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 65

    Warcraft 2: Tides of Darkness

    Year: 1995

    "Never pet a burning dog."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 66

    Lulu (Final Fantasy X)

    Year: 2001

    "No matter how dark the night, the morning always comes."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 67

    Albert Wesker (Umbrella Chronicles)

    Year: 2007

    "The only thing that can defeat power, is more power."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 68

    Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

    Year: 2013

    "A famous explorer once said that the extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 69

    Mathais (Tomb Raider)

    Year: 2013

    "There are no heroes here, only survivors!"

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 70

    Hawkeye Gough (Dark Souls)

    Year: 2012

    "What is bravery, without a dash of recklessness?" 

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 71

    Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

    Year: 1987

    "If all else fails use fire."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 72

    Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII)

    Year: 1999

    "Someday you're bound to lose everything. Everybody around you will be gone."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 73

    Deus Ex: Human Revolution

    Year: 2011

    "Remember to use nutrients to replenish your health."

  • Video Game Advisor Is Your New Favourite Source Of Wisdom 74

    Kingdom Hearts

    Year: 2002

    "The closer you get to the Light... the greater your shadow becomes."

[Via: Kotaku]