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Elon Musk is selling flamethrowers now, which is a safe idea

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Gary Ogden
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Good old Elon Musk, big clever tech billionaire with at least one screw potentially a tad loose. Likes a Big Idea, does Musk, a silly punt backed by a lot of money; a wacky stunt bankrolled by science.

And boy has he got one for you today - in perhaps his most hair-brained, NOWT-COULD-GO-WRONG plan yet, he’s decided to start selling flamethrowers. You know, those big things that have been used to kill many a human being throughout the ages - those large dangerous weapons of death and destruction. Here’s Elon Musk, selling them ‘as a joke’. ‘I think’.

I don’t really understand what’s happening here, if I’m honest, because it sure does look like he is actually selling these fire-guns from The Boring Company, a tunnel-digging outfit that he owns. But hey, selling flamethrowers is, umm, not a good idea? Don’t let people just go and order a really scary human-murderer for $500 - that’s a bad scheme, in the grand bad scheme of bad things.

He’s doing it though - and you can order one right here, if you want. Not sure how it’ll get across the border, but hey, you too could look like this:

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Or this particularly safety-lax rich man, if it takes your fancy:

If you want one, it’s not as easy as simply clicking “Yes thanks, I would like to die at the hands of my own toy”, you’ll also have to sign a wacky “terms and conditions rhyme” and also must certify that your homicide-machine “May not be used on Boring Company decorative lacquered hay bales or Boring Company dockside munitions warehouses.”

Yep, still not really getting what’s going on here, but then again, it is 2018, and if 2017 was anything to go by, I will accept all and anything, no matter how ridiculous it may sound. In two months time, if the RSPCA reported that they were to start selling giant garlic crushers to put cats in, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. 

In fact, I’d buy one - my neighbour’s Siamese keeps you-know-whatting all over the porch. Actually, scrap that, my flamethrower should arrive in about a week.

(Image: Elon Musk/Pixabay)

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Gary Ogden

Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the screaming thing though. @garyblogden

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