I’m never wearing jeans ever again.
Where they were once top of the tree when it came to easy fashion—and ‘the tree’ is the name I give to the pile of clothes in bedroom—they are no more. I am sick and tired of denim bleeds, crotch blowouts, and other assorted uncomfortableness. From here on out, it’s chinos forever, baby.
Thankfully the days of chinos being squarely the domain of tired dads forced to go to a garden engagement party and the Chino Wanker—preening Essex boys who love EDM and trousers that show you the distinct outline of their dick, balls, and phone—are over, and the everyday chino epoch is upon us.
At the helm of this bottom-half revolution is Japanese fast-fashion innovator Uniqlo, and while some have criticised the brand’s homogenisation of mainstream Japanese fashion, I’ve just come back from Tokyo and let me tell you, brother: Japan is the best dressed country in the whole fucking world.
With most of their chino range sitting a few coins under £30 (with the occasional, heavily-discounted ‘Limited Offer’), you can’t go far wrong with a pair: The materials are largely great value and the cut of the tailoring and shade of the colours available are of the highest order.
There are a few differences to the models on offer: Classic-Slim, Vintage-Regular, Ultra Stretch Skinny, and Wide fits.
I’ll quickly break down what each mean for you:
Classic-Slim: They’re light and straight dressy-ish chinos that can be worn casually or smart casual with a soft texture to the material and a little bit of stretch to them for a neatly fitted feel. They’re light and straight.
Vintage-Regular: Tailored with an uneven Kurabo slub thread (meaning they’re a little less ‘smooth’ looking than the Classic-Slim) for an overall more casual look. The chino also has a slightly tapered ankle and a soft fit for a very comfy feel with a bit more thigh room for the larger lad.
Ultra Stretch Skinny: They’re skinny and straight and they stretch. Very versatile with a brushed twill surface (with 4% spandex in the blend), they’re perfect for throwing on when you want to dress up a little but not all the way. Imagine you were going to play FIFA at your mate’s house and you kinda fancy his flatmate: you’d wear these.
Wide: Well, these are wide. Not too wide, but wide enough. (This fit is currently sold out online so let’s just put a pin in it for now, yeah?)
Basically, what I’m saying is: not only are chinos generally more comfy than jeans, they’re also inherently more wearable. And, yes, most clothing is/should be ‘wearable’, if you want to play it like that, but the fact that you can have a single pair of khaki chinos and wear them with pretty much anything and anywhere is a huge bonus, especially at the price point.
While nobody really knows if you can wear a blazer with jeans, nobody needs to ask that about chinos: you can wear chinos to a summer wedding absolutely no danger. You can wear them with a T-shirt in the summer, cuffs rolled halfway up your shin, and you can wear them in the winter with American pancake-thick socks and boots. And the colours - khaki, stone, navy, green, black, white, grey - give you even more versatility. If you’re still trying to rock coloured denim in big, big 2018 then fair play, but it’s time to leave indie behind - I’ve heard The Wombats’ new song and it’s only OK - and make a start on something more worthwhile.