Hear that? It's the death knell of the commentator's favoured phrase, "Put your laces through it".
Adidas has lifted the (shoe box) lid on what it's describing as the "purest expression of a football boot".
Which means they've taken the laces off it.
Spinning above is the Adidas Ace GTI 2016, the new boot uses a Primeknit upper - the German company's fancy woven material that manages to keep tension across the foot without resorting to fastenings like laces.
The sports manufacturer claims the lack of string between your foot and the ball improves touch and control - traits it was keen to emphasise on delivery to three of their biggest clients: aforementioned Oscar, Arsenal's Mesut Ozil and Barcelona's Ivan Rakitic.
All of whom look pretty bemused by the whole thing.
But not as freaked out as the rest of the internet...
The laceless adidas boots looks like something your girlfriend would wear to work.— James Halgarth (@jameshalgarth) November 2, 2015
Check out famous footballers awkwardly opening their new presents below.
Set to arrive on 15 January 2016, prices and colour options (you just know they're going to come in some hideous shade of neon) are yet to be announced.
Who knows, it may be the boot that helps Oscar turn Chelsea's season around?