For a show not usually known for its fashion - blue shorts with a red shirt, Bart? Really? - The Simpsons has its fair share of iconic pieces: Bart’s bubble pipe, Marge’s Chanel dress, Burns’ gorilla vest. But in the style stakes, nothing comes close to Ned Flanders’ Assassins.
The perfect distillation of ‘90s maximalism, they were garish and loaded up with bells and whistles: velcro straps, a water pump in the tongue(?), and a pedometer in the heel. And now Hypebeast reports that renowned sneaker artisans Mache Customs have teased a pair of their own, craftily customising a pair of Nike Air Monarchs (the Dad Shoe du jour) to look like Ned’s grails.
“The [Monarch’s] chunky upper painted over with Sharpie pen in black, red, and yellow,” says HB. “Black outlines maintain the cartoonish look while two ‘velcro straps’, a red-accented mid-sole, a yellow tongue, and ‘Assassins’ logo stripe over the Swoosh directly reference the The Simpsons design.”
Mache Customs, who posted the trainers on their Instagram page, wrotes: “Thought I’d do my own twist on this whole dad shoe, Sharpie-style custom thing that’s been going on by mixing the ‘Asssassins’ from The Simpsons - one of the most coveted shoes to have never existed - with one the greatest dad shoes to ever exist, the Air Monarch. Obviously this is for fun so don’t take these too seriously, but I hope they give you a good laugh.”
OH WE’RE TAKING THEM SERIOUSLY, ALRIGHT. SERIOUSLY AS ALL HELL.
Doesn’t look like these will ever be up for sale, but if you want to make your own pair of Assies, here’s how: