No one pulled anyone at the office party in their work suit. All they got was a well deserved slap and their P45 thrown at them early the next day. If you really want to conquer party season you have to do it in style, meaning you’re going to need a few new pieces that you’ll probably stain with boiling hot mulled wine in the first ten minutes.
But don’t worry, we know that at this time of year cash is tight. You have to buy shit presents for people you hate, we completely understand, we’re all in the same boat. So here’s a few Christmas partywear suggestions that won’t break the bank, just hearts.
Best of luck, you office sex pest.
Double breasted blazer
Double breasted blazers aren’t just for coked up city boys anymore, they’ve been reclaimed by the high street and are branching out from the stereotypical pinstripes, instead opting for laid back salt ‘n’ pepper effects.
Gold jacquard blazer
This is what James Bond would wear if he went on a mission in London’s Shoreditch. Y’know, if someone threatened the East’s supply of sourdough bread and avocados.
The invite said formal, but it didn’t specify you couldn’t have an absolute laugh at your own expense. If you’re worried about ruining a legitimately dapper suit with your office party antics, then this affordable joke suit is for you.
Fur collar double breasted coat
In Soviet Russia, coat wears you! Look like Russian royalty (before the revolution, when it was all fancy) and keep warm while you shovel down a questionable kebab down yourself at 3AM on a Wednesday.
Blue velvet blazer
Having Christmas without velvet is like having Halloween with getting egged: it just isn’t right. Opt for a sapphire blue instead of the archetypal red, featuring an elegant shawl lapel and single-button fastening.
Geometric print shirt
It doesn’t all have to be about the blazer, especially if you’re in the habit of dancing and sweating through your suit. Ditch the jacket at the cloakroom and show off a geometric print like your Jarvis Cocker or a really cool substitute teacher.
Green tartan three piece suit
Santa was originally green before Coca Cola turned him red for branding purposes. Those absolute monsters. How could they throw away a colour that looks this slick? Reclaim the green as your own with this skinny suit.
Purple suede bomber
Your office party casual? Doesn’t mean you still can’t make an effort, it just means you’d look weird turning up to bowling in a full blown tuxedo. Go for a decadent colour and texture, but just incorporate it into a staple bomber instead.
Red velvet loafers
Right, we’ve been bashing red a bit here, but we’re ready to make up with it now thanks to these teddy boy style loafers in a leather and suede mix.
Peak lapel tuxedo blazer
A tuxedo blazer? With a t-shirt? Yes, smart casual has never been bigger, with shirts being ditched for plain tees and smart shoes for trainers. Cheers millenials, you’ve done something right for once.
Chunky roll neck jumper
Face it, you’re going to end up taking your tie off and wrapping it around your head like an absolute twat after a few shots, so leave out the formal accessory and swap a shirt for a retro roll neck jumper instead.
A Christmas jumper that doesn’t make you want to vomit from your eyeballs? It exists! You could even get away with this mildly festive knitwear after 25 December has come and gone.
Polka dot suit
Wear a printed suit any other time of year and people think you’re a kids TV presenter, and they as you know they don’t exactly have the best reps. But wear one in winter and you’re an absolute style hero, looking like a pimp on the dance floor in a polka dot design.