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You know you want to watch a woman knock over $200,000 worth of art while taking a selfie

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Gary Ogden
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Breaking something you’re not supposed to is one of the worst things that can befall a human being. I once accidentally let go of a large stick I was using as a makeshift baseball bat and smashed my neighbour’s front headlights out. When my dad found out it was the first time I’d ever heard him swear.

I also broke my mate’s Etch-A-Sketch by standing on it, and I’m still reeling over that to this day. Then there was the time I smashed my friend’s birthday present, on her birthday – it was a framed picture – made short work of the glass on that, that’s for sure.

But hey, at least I’ve never smashed $200,000 worth of anything. An Etch-A-Sketch is like, seven quid, so you know, he just bought another one, no big deal, but a series of one-of-a-kind sculptures costing $200,000? Yeah, you can’t really just go down Toys ‘R’ Us and bag some new ones. Even if you could somehow stump up the cash, you literally can’t buy them again, because they don’t exist anywhere else.

JESUS CHRIST I DON’T HALF GO ON, APOLOGIES, HERE’S THE VIDEO (KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE TOP RIGHT OF THE SCREEN):

That is brilliant, that. Silly billy trying to take a stupid selfie, and WHAM all the shit’s gone on the floor. Man next to her puts his arms in the air, nobody knows what to do, everybody’s looking, it’s bad – it’s reeeaaal bad. But it’s also good, oh it’s so good. Reeeaaal good.

The art that she dashed on the floor was by British artist Simon Birch and was on display in The 14th Factory gallery in California – quite exclusive stuff, basically. There’s no word on what happened to the lady, or the art, but either way, it’s all there for you to watch, again and again, on video, up there. 

I want that clip playing at my funeral, even though it has literally nothing to do with me. I just want it with me forever.

(Image: 14th Factory)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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