Yup, you read that right. Your entire life is nothing more than an SMS- (or WhatsApp if you’re properly cool…) related lie.
We’re about to turn your whole world upside, so best find a seat.
Unicode, or as they’re better known: ‘The-company-that-decide-what-emoji-should-look-like-and-other-industry-standards,’ have released a list of suggested improvements for the next Emoji update and it’s completely changed texting forever - because doing so has forced them to list their original purposes. And they make no sense.
Here’s where you’ve been going wrong:
Shocked Face = Hush Face
It’s easy to see why the raised eyebrows and ‘oooh’ shaped mouth might lead you to believe that this is a little yellow shocked face, but it’s not. It’s actually a hush face. As in, “You should keep schtum” or “Fine, I will not say another word”.
Which actually makes more sense on the Android version of the emoji which has a zip on its face.
Use it for: Being stunned into a wordless stupor or keeping secrets.
Don’t use it for: Reacting to your friend’s new haircut.
Angry Face = Look Of Triumph
The fact that Unicode managed to get this one so wrong is actually quite astounding. The little man looks angry for crying out loud. Look at the steam coming from his nose, he’s pretty miffed. Maybe even furious. What he isn’t doing is showing off a ‘look of triumph,’ which is what it’s supposed to be.
Proposed changes are – ‘remove the steam from nose to appear like it is winning, not angry.’ Excellent observation Unicode, excellent.
Use it for: Signalling that you’ve just done something awesome like win a race.
Don’t use it for: Passive aggressively telling your housemates it’s not your turn to buy milk.
Super Insane Grin Face = Grimace
The go to, ‘I’m so happy right now that I’m doing my genuine Chandler Bing smile and I don’t care who knows it’ symbol. All toothy and grinny, it’s the type of overly smiley smile that’s reserved for moments of pure joy and psychopaths.
But it’s all wrong; it’s actually supposed to be a grimace face. Showing a growing trend in the emoji world for the distinct lack of ability to distinguish between positive and negative emotions.
Use it for: When life is so awkward that you can’t speak.
Don’t use it for: Being really really happy or because you’re a psychopath.
Related: The World Map Of Emoji Symbols
Sassy lady = Information Desk
The one that you send out when you’ve just absolutely owned someone with a piece of wit to rival Oscar Wilde followed by a finger snap and mental ‘You ain’t all that!’ chant. You’re winning at life, you are a texting god. You’re also getting it all wrong.
There’s no sass involved in this symbol, it’s actually supposed to be genuinely helpful. So helpful in fact that it’s called: ‘Information Desk Person’. So stop using it to be sarcastic.
Use it for: When you’re being helpful in a non-patronising kind of way.
Don’t use it for: When you’re being helpful in a patronising kind of way.
Freaked out zombie cat face = Weary Cat Face
Look at how scared that cat is? It’s freaking out so much that its eyeballs have rolled back into its head to stop it from having to look at what’s in front of it. If you asked a six-year-old to draw a scared cat, this is what they would draw. If they were quite good-to-medium at drawing for a six year old, that is.
However, Unicode is telling us that fear and horror have absolutely nothing to do with this cat. That this is actually a ‘Weary Cat Face’. It’s tired, because when you’re tired the most natural thing in the world is to clutch the side of your face and scream your lungs out.
Use if for: Signalling that it’s time to call it a night in your Tinder conversation and get some sleep.
Don’t use it for: Explaining in a brief but hilarious manner that the zombie apocalypse is here.
Military Medic Guy = Construction Worker
This might be more down to cultural ignorance on our side but this does look like a man of some medicinal importance wearing a helmet of some description. The logical conclusion in our minds being that he must be an army medic. He’s not, he’s a Construction Worker.
Which makes no sense to us because of the green cross but apparently the green cross is used in Japan as a safety reminder so it sort of does actually make sense if you’re Japanese. Who knew.
Use if for: Telling your friends about your new construction job.
Don’t use it for: Telling your friends about your new job as an army doctor.
Fuming face = Pouting Face
Rage is an incredibly basic emotion that is instantly recognisable, just like this rage emoji. And by rage emoji what we really mean is the ‘pouting’ emoji. Yup, this is a pouting face.
In a weird archaic way it does make sense if you’re talking about the sort of pouting that children do while they’re sulking. But by far the most popular definition of the word ‘pout’ the one people do on Tinder to make other people swiper right, better known as the ‘Duck Face.’ This is not a ‘Duck Face,’ it’s an angry face.
Use if for: Trying to be all sexy and pouty.
Don’t use it for: Trying to be all annoyed about life.