Counter to the terrible sinking feeling you feel in the pit of your stomach daily, new research proves that getting a daily dose of fucking does wonders for your health. Even if you are crap at it.
In a study called “Maintaining an active sex life may lead to improved job satisfaction, engagement in work” by Oregon State University, researchers surveyed 159 married couples twice a day for two weeks and found a distinct correlation between regular sex-having and increased job satisfaction and lowered stress levels. Who would’ve thought it possible, that that thing which you’ve craved since a young boy, is the very key to your happiness after all.
“This is a reminder that sex has social, emotional and physiological benefits, and it’s important to make it a priority,” said Keith Leavitt, research lead on the study and associate professor at OSU. “Just make time for it.”
This is just one of a string of sex studies that’ve found it to be a good way of being happy and not dead: aside from the fact that it’s fun and cool, previously we’ve heard that sex (but not masturbation) lowers your blood pressure, reduces the risk of heart disease, and that regularly cumming (including masturbation this time) makes prostate cancer way less likely.
So maybe next time you’ll be too embarrassed to call in sick because everyone will know that you’re just a lame-boy who doesn’t get laid. That’s what the HR note should say to your team: “[YOUR NAME] is off sick today because nobody will sleep with them lol”.
(Main Imagine: Rex Features)