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The UK’s first shark attack has been recorded and the pictures are gruesome AF

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Gary Ogden
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Sharks are terrifying. Fact. Ever since Jaws hit our screens back in 1975, the shark has been heralded as the ultimate underwater killing machine. They are the reason I have not been to Australia; they are the reason I have not been surfing; they are the reason I coat myself in shark-repellent every night before I go to bed when I am on holiday.

Thankfully, I live in England and there ain’t no pesky sharks over here, so I can splash and play and squeal in the waters of our beaches without a care in the world. I could wear a wet-suit made out of steaks and I’d be in zero danger – all the sharks are miles away.

However, as with everything I enjoy, it has now been ruined. Now there are sharks in England and I’m never going near any water ever again.

How do I know this? Well, because a surfer got attacked by one, and it was utterly horrendous. Rich Thomson, a 30-year-old teacher, was surfing in Devon when he was mercillesily attacked by a murderous shark. It locked onto him, and in a deadly battle of wits, Rich managed to fight the shark off by punching it in the face. He didn’t escape unscathed though, garnering extensive damage to his hand.

I’ll include the photos below, but be warned, this is some NSFL shit. Do not view while eating your lunch. I did warn you:

I’m sorry for subjecting you to that. Thomson describes his debilitating injuries:

“My hand was cut to pieces.”

Thankfully, Rich is not letting that fateful day stop him from continuing with his passion:

“It won’t stop me going back in the water and it shouldn’t stop anyone, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Experts believe the evil denizen was a smooth hound shark (which is admittedly a pretty amazing name for a shark), and they reckon it was around 3ft long, which is so giant I can’t even comprehend it. Here’s an artist’s rendition, because no photographer in history has had the guts to get close enough to one:

Either way, I wish Mr. Thomson a speedy recovery – rather him than me. I ain’t getting bitten by no evil sharks. I’m never going near the sea ever again; I’m never swimming ever again; I’m still not showering ever again.

(Images: Rich Thomson/Wikipedia)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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