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This £55 ‘Cockney’-themed Christmas dinner in Hackney is absolutely peak gentrification

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The Cockney'tivity is a thing that exists - welcome to 2017

If you’re from London, then I WILL TELL YOU WHAT: you like a bit of immersive theatre, don’t ya? You’ve had it with a standard play, simply a couple of people up on a stage - no thanks, bucko - you won’t even think about attending unless it’s immersive. It’s crap if you don’t get pelted with mud, or aren’t allowed to eat the performers, or the whole audience isn’t in anti-gravity, or you don’t all engage in a death-pact as the curtains fall. Gotta love a bit of that immersive theatre, ask me about it.

So the latest ‘immersive theatre’ concept is here, and hey! You! You’re gonna like it! Except oh wait, you’re not, because this one is terrible.

It’s called the ‘Cockney’tivity’ and it involves sitting at a big table in a pub in Hackey, eating a three-course Christmas dinner whilst being surrounded by a load of braying actors performing a ‘festive drama’ by pretending to be working class Londoners during each course. Oh, and it costs £55.

Yes, you’re right, this really is the most ‘gentrification’ thing to have ever happened.

I mean, when I’m eating dinner, the last thing I want is people screaming at me. More importantly than that, though - this is all a bit Little Britain, isn’t it? Isn’t it the old let’s rinse the lower classes and make them pregnant and idiots chestnut? It’s 2017, so should this really exist? No, no it should not.

This isn’t the ‘90s anymore, this isn’t Wayne and Waynetta, you just can’t get away with it nowadays. Should probably tone it down a bit, eh?

Of course, I am saying all of this without even seeing it, which is just about one of the worst things you can do. I am judging it on a picture and a synopsis like a true charlatan - maybe this’ll be brilliant, maybe you’ll love it, maybe I’m entirely wrong. I often am.

I’m not in this case though, am I? Let’s end this sort of rubbish.

(Image: Zebedee Productions)