It's been said before and it'll be said many times again but beer is an amazing, breathtaking thing. It's something that deserves to be treated with infinite amounts of respect. But, sadly, this doesn't seem to have been the case.
Modified, remixed, pushed, pulled and abused by ambitious brewers, it's apparently not enough to just make a decent pint of beer these days. Here are 10 of the world's most unhinged:
The Pizza Beer
Pizza and beer: great meal. Pizza beer: not so much. This head-scratching drink is created by straining a mashed-up Margherita pizza and then filtering it with the regular ingredients. Just in case you don't find that strange enough, the creators have also made pizza beer pizza and a pizza beer sausage, which all begs the question: why? And, more importantly: why?
The End of History
Ah if ever there were a tabloid-baiting beer, this would be it. Firstly, the beer is 55% proof, making it the second strongest beer in the world, and secondly, more disturbingly it's served in the bodies of dead animals. You can choose between a stoat, a squirrel or a hare. The blonde ale is infused with nettles and juniper berries and other stuff but who cares about the ingredients when it's served in a dead animal?
There are many physical effects that can be expected from drinking beer. There's an increase in toilet visits, a decrease in balance and quite often a high likelihood of a headache the morning after. Over in Bulgaria, there's another surprise reaction that the Boza beer can allegedly have. It involves breasts getting bigger. There's no real proof for this however but if anyone has any, let us know...
The Blue Brew
While melted cheese arguably makes around 87% of meals infinitely better, it's usually best kept far away from beverages. Choosing to flagrantly disregard this unspoken rule of the world, the Leicester-based Belvoir Brewery concocted a beer from the by-product of the Stilton-making process. Apparently it tastes creamy, rather than cheesy. This from the guy that made it though.
Beer Geek Brunch Weasel
Now, we're willing to be a bit adventurous with our beer. We've tried it with a twist of lime before. But there are definite limits. As soon as the faecal matter of any living animal is involved, we're suddenly choosing to drink wine or water or nothing instead. Avoiding our sage advice, the Mikkeller Beer Geek Brunch Weasel utilises a coffee that's made from droppings of weasel-like civet cats. We're suddenly vegetarian.
The Dog Beer
Relax, we're not suggesting that you prank your dog by feeding him actual beer as, while initially funny, it would end up being wrong and dangerous. The Dutch-made Dog Beer is a specially brewed, non-alcoholic drink made from a blend of beef extracts and malt. So, in other words, never get the bottles mixed up when drunk.
Anyone who has kids will know that they're a bit obsessed with us grown-ups. While they're not acting like the true degenerates they really are, they're mimicking our behaviour with their toy kitchens and plastic mobile phones. It makes perfect sense then that they'd also want to get as embarrassingly drunk as we do every now and then. The non-alcoholic Kidsbeer is a Japanese soda that's been given extra froth to make it seem like it's for adults. We imagine their faux-drunkness would look something like this.
Deus Champagne Beer
If, like us, your father told you as a teen never to mix the grape and the grain then chances are you've tended to avoid drinking beer and wine in the same evening. But this piece of advice was clearly never passed on in Belgium. The beer boasts a wine-like strength (11.5%) and a champagne-like price (£32 for 75cl). We guess it's suitable for toasting how hungover you're going to feel the morning after.
Vostok Space Beer
It ain't easy being an astronaut. Despite having a job that at least 75% of schoolkids desperately want, the reality involves years away from home in an isolated environment. So, who could blame them for wanting to forget their troubles and get a bit buzzed every now and then. The Vostok Space Beer is the world's first beer that's been deemed suitable for space. It boasts an enhanced flavour which is designed to counteract tongue swelling, which often happens on a spaceship. Bad news: alcohol is banned aboard the International Space Station. Actually, wait, that's good news.
Start The Future
The world's strongest beer, called Start the Future, is probably most likely to start your future as a raging alcoholic. It has a 60% ABV and was created by a Dutch brewer, who claimed that he was forced into making it as he was trying to keep up with the Scots. He's won. Many livers haven't as a result.