"Britain, Britain, Britain. We've had running water for over ten years, we have a tunnel connecting us to Peru, and we invented the cat." So boomed Tom Baker during one particularly amusing Little Britain introduction.
Perhaps unsurprisingly none of those things appear in the 5 things that make Britain great by @Charles_HRH (Twitter's Prince Charles Parody account). If you're not following him, you really should.
The Royal Family
First and foremost, one’s family. It’s been a rather exciting couple of years for us. The Royal Wedding, Mother’s Diamond Jubilee, Prince Harry showing the world how proud he is of the Crown Jewels in Las Vegas.
He wanted to pretend it was Ed Sheeran, but one refused. Mainly due to the fact that Ed is much better at singing.
We’ve made some boobs over the years. Kate, in particular. She was photographed making a complete tit of herself. Just because France had their Royal Family executed, doesn’t mean they can pick on us.
The Royal Family is an essential part of what is left of British sovereignty and heritage. Even those who aren’t interested in us have enjoyed the extra bank holidays.
The Queen Mother used to say “there’s only one good thing that came out of Liverpool, and that’s The Beatles”. It feels absolutely wonderful to say that the world’s best selling musical artists are our own; even if they do include Paul sodding McCartney.
Britain has a wide variety of musical talent ranging from composers like Gustav Holst to rappers like Tinie Temper.
Edward gets excited when One Direction appear on the TV. Not exactly one’s idea of talent, but at least he loves those five little girls.
Steeped in history, buzzing with energy and constantly leading the field in everything from its cuisine to its cutting edge fashions, there really is no place more diverse or exciting to visit in the UK than London.
And of course, it’s home to us Royals. (Word of advice: Don’t even think about setting foot near the Palace uninvited. Mother will either have you shot, release the corgis or have you removed on the end of a bayonet)
Sense of Humour
The British sense of humour is full of sarcasm and self-deprecation, often with deadpan delivery. One needs good humour to get through the day; especially when you’ve got Mr Cameron running the country.
Camilla attended Ladies Day at Royal Ascot this year. One stuck ‘Number 12’ on her back for a laugh. She certainly came home with a long face.
“Food, glorious, food! Roast swan and mustard!”
English food at its best is hearty, simple and delicious. One enjoys eating as much as the domestic horse.
Full English Breakfast, Shepherd’s Pie, Toad in the Hole, Bacon Sandwich, Sunday Roast, Beans on toast, Fish and Chips to name a few.
Needless to say, the above are washed down nicely with a rather large gin.
There’s nothing tastier than eating something that Father shot earlier in the afternoon for Sunday roast. Kate seems to make things slightly embarrassing when she asks William if he wants “more stuffing”.