In space, nobody can hear you scream. Or question why Jamie Vardy’s suddenly got a twin.
This is exactly why, when British astronaut Tim Peake lands back on Earth tomorrow at approximately 10am, he’s going to need bringing right up to speed. Put simply, a lot of bizarre stuff has happened down here since our little space cadet rocketed into the galaxy six months ago.
From the death of pretty much every famous person ever, to the meteoric rise of an American mom in a Chewbacca mask, this right here is his personal shotgun guide to everything that might be causing our homecoming hero to scratch his head as he readjusts to life on Earth.
Tim, welcome back. We’ve got a lot of explaining to do…
The cast from FRIENDS are doing everything except the one thing we want them to do
Someone proved that not all footballer's are useless at interviews
Hey, Tim, just watch this. It's amazing.
Everyone on Tinder is now a dog
Jeff Goldblum saved Christmas
While you were up there gnawing at your space turkey and pulling your space crackers, we were down here worshipping these Jeff Goldblum adverts. So good. SO good.
Everyone is dead
You've got nowhere to buy your cushions now
Justin Bieber's a heavy metal rock god now
Harry Potter's been farting a lot
Wee Danny Radcliffe is all grown up too. Grown up so much, in fact, that he's already lost full control of his bowels. Here he is, trumping like a trooper in the trailer for the absolutely bonkers up-coming Swiss Army Man.
Steven Avery is still in prison
Indie made a totally unexpected comeback
Trump might actually be the first horseman of the apocalypse
An American mom in a Chewbacca mask is our new dark overlord
Bow down, Tim. She's in charge, now.
Bob Geldof engaged in naval warfare with Nigel Farage
Nike make movies now
This new advert of theirs is better than 99% of the films you'll see this year. No question.
Yes, everyone is dressing like Tom Selleck this summer
Alligators suddenly got ENORMOUS
There's been a recent spate of whopping great gators. Probably nothing compared to the squid-like alien monsters you've been battling up there (hush hush right, Tim?), but we've had this golf course-treading beast, and another 15ft 800lb monster caught and killed in Florida. Jeez.
Nobody can cook their dinner any more
Obama gives zero f*cks any more
Now that the end is in sight for Obama, he's essentially like a kid on the last day of school. He's dropping his mic all over the shop, making silly little videos with his mates, and doing stuff like this Kimmel skit.
Jeremy Corbyn is a major authority on kebabs
They weren't joking about the sequels to TMNT and Pacific Rim