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A giant sea monster washed up on the shore in Jakarta and it’s here to ruin your day

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Gary Ogden
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There are a number of things you don’t want to see washed up on the shore: half a cat, a dolphin that’s been set on fire, a Big Bang Theory box-set, your doppelgänger but three times smaller, a Waitrose bag full of tapeworms, a Sopranos box-set but someone’s replaced all the discs with Big Bang Theory ones; but I think the worst thing to find washed up on the shore would be a huge, rotting, dead giant squid.

And unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened in Jakarta earlier this week – a 37-year-old man found a Waitrose bag full of tapeworms huge, rotting, dead giant squid on the beach. 15 whole metres long, it was. That’s literally almost 16 metres!

Have a look see at this, it’s rank:

The bloke found it at night, and originally mistook it for a boat in the darkness – you know, one of those squid-looking boats – easy mistake. Of course, he soon realised his mistake when he spotted a huge ‘S’ on the squid’s pyjamas.

Experts are saying it had been dead for about three days before washing ashore, which probably explains the ungodly stench that was emitting from its pores, eyes, mouth and, er, ‘exit’ hole.

The stench is reportedly so bad that residents are desperately trying to get the government to help them dispose of it. Don’t get rid of it just yet though, I say – keep it and use it for pranks. Stick it in the air-vent in the maths classroom, put it under your flatmate’s pillow, replace your Dad’s deodorant with it – the possibilities are endless.

(Images: Pattimura Military Command)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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