Still cursing the skies as the tenth carriage with someone’s face pressed against the glass chugs its way past your platform? You’re not alone.
As Southern Rail continues strike action around the south east, thousands of commuters are facing hellish journeys full of disruptions, delays, and overcrowding.
If you're unfortunate enough to be forced to use Southern Rail, read on for some brief respite from your pain. If you've never used Southern Rail - go thank your deity of preference, and then read on to find out what it's really all about.
When you have time to write poetry
We hope they're kidding
When they decided drivers were an optional part of the whole train experience
Until they drove Janette to violent profanity
When they made your three hour delayed train just four carriages long
When they forced this man to use professionally printed puns
When you were actually happy to hear a different excuse, because "Unexpected staff illness" was getting a little boring
But then realised every excuse is just a straight-up lie anyway
When you would laugh if you weren't crying
When even the WiFi hated it
When the whole thing was bad enough to inspire multiple parody accounts
When even your evil boss had to concede that being late wasn't your fault
When they crushed the entire motivational genre
When you got neck strain from staring at the boards, the last embers of your hope dying in your eyes
When it became common sense to stock up on these bad boys
When they made up for their terrible service with accurate and reliable timetables
When their train posters became a little too fitting
When they redefined the word "trainspotting"