Today in “How not to steal a shark” news
Have you ever wanted to steal a shark? Absolutely no judgement if you have - sharks are cool, but expensive, so it’s absolutely fair enough to want to have one for free. You know, it’s bad, paying for things, especially when they’re expensive, so if you can get stuff for free, it’s worth a shot.
Of course, sometimes getting things for free means breaking the law - like if you stole a shark, for example. The clue is in the word “stole” - stealing is illegal, usually (there’s the odd exception, like if you “stole the nation’s hearts” or something, but normally it’s frowned upon), so it’s probably best if you don’t do it. Even if you really, really want to steal a shark.
Anyway, three people that did really, really want to steal a shark, stole a shark the other day over in the US. They ignored the whole “breaking the law” thing, and their need for stealing a shark was so overwhelming, that they went ahead and did it. They stole a shark. Again, no judgement - sharks are cool (as we’ve already covered*).
But how do you steal a shark? Tough job because they need water and stuff - you can’t just hide them under your jumper and walk out the front door. What you have to do, is disguise them as a baby. The oldest trick in the book - disguise what you’ve stolen as a baby. Nicked a pair of jeans from Gap? Disguise them as a baby. Robbed a bank? Disguise the millions of pounds as loads of different babies. Jacked a car? Disguise it as a massive baby.
So that’s what they did - first, they used their own net to ensnare the shark, then they stuck it in a bucket filled with water and hid it in a baby stroller. Genius. Of course, it was all caught on CCTV so their fancy ruse didn’t last five seconds, but still. Here look:
(You wanna be looking on the right hand side of the screen)
The plan fully came unstuck when, according to Jenny Spellman, the general manager of the San Antonio Aquarium, a passing employee noticed something peculiar, which was presumably “That man’s baby looks like a shark.” He alerted the relevant people and Spellmen confronted them out in the car park, where they refused to let her look inside their truck, saying their son was sick and they needed to leave immediately.
“My son, he is very sick. So sick, he looks a bit like a… shark.”
Leon Valley police Chief Joseph Salvaggio said:
“It’s very obvious the person knows what he’s looking for and went there specifically for that area.”
So it wasn’t a spur of the moment, went out to buy milk, accidentally came home with a shark-type outing - they really wanted that shark, and for a few fleeting moments, it was theirs. Thankfully though, it is now back at the aquarium, relatively safe and sound - and the thieves are being hunted by police.
So yeah, not the best way to steal a shark, but a good effort, nonetheless. I say their biggest mistake was not putting a dummy in its mouth. Amateurs.