Unless the inconsiderate clown in front of me reclines his seat, I’m pretty cool with the leg-room on a plane. This is because I immediately fall asleep the moment my arse hits the seat. I’m out for the count. No drinks for me. You can keep your peanuts. I’m not reading your dumb in-flight magazine.
But some people like to whinge about their space, and I understand – plane seats are quite small, and if you have trouble sleeping then you probably find them quite irksome. I certainly would if I wasn’t far away in a noddy land of GCSE maths exams without any clothes on.
But don’t worry your scrunched up little leggies – there’s one of those “hack” things available to save you.
Of course, it’s not a hack at all, because that word doesn’t mean anything and I hate it (Sandwich hack: put mayonnaise in for some extra flavour!). Instead, it’s a feature that was literally built into the plane for this very purpose, but most people don’t know about.
Basically, if you ever find yourself in the aisle seat and you want the old armrest up because it’s digging into your precious personal space, there’s a hidden button that’ll raise it for you. Feel under the armrest and there’s a little nub near the hinge – press it in and you can free your groinal area of the oppressive regime of a metal arm-support.
The buttons exist as a safety measure that allows passengers to escape from their seats quickly in an emergency. Of course, this is the world’s worst “safety measure” as the cabin crew does not tell you they exist, so you are unable to use them.
Still, now you do know it exists, so you can use it for its intended purpose, or alternatively, just because you want to stealthily sneak an orange juice out of the trolley when the steward isn’t looking. That’ll teach ‘em for putting in a safety feature and not telling you about it.
Me? I couldn’t care less, because I’m asleep, remember. Don’t care about a thing. Nyum nyup ZZZZZZZZ.