We’ve all had low moments. Drunk-dialed an ex. Reheated half a kebab for breakfast. Caught your fella in a zip. But no matter the dept of your lowest moment, there’s no way it was as bad as this video of adult men eating McDonald’s dipping sauce off dirty tarmac.
Our hero, stretching the word vastly beyond breaking point, is a man of roughly 35, decked in the exact outfit you’d expect of someone who would do this kind of thing. He’s flanked by another man whose age is impossible to pin down, but it’s definitely Too Old For This, who looks like he wandered off mid-stag some time in the 90’s and just never went home. They’re flanked by what sounds like a group of school children, who are mostly blameless.
“This is how you eat Szechuan sauce” he says (as if it isn’t just a dip-ified Teriyaki sauce, which can be eaten in literally thousands of better ways) before placing the tiny packet on the definitely-filthy car park floor and smashing it under his visibly-filthy boot. And then he dips a fucking McNugget in it, and eats it. And then his mate does too. And then a third man, also visibly an adult, wipes his hand in it and licks it.
Do I have to tell you not to put stuff in your mouth that’s also been on your shoe? You may as well start eating all your meals out of one of those French service station toilets that’s just a small concrete hole you piss directly into. There is a not-small chance that eating food you’ve stamped on could give you an illness so bad that you forget your own name.
The only small shred of hope to be gleaned from this video is that the children seem completely disgusted by the whole thing. All we can hope from this, the absolute nadir of fandom, is that those kids immediately went home and vowed to just, like, watch the show normally, and not eat anything they’ve smashed open with their filthy Doc Martens.
Or maybe you have to be a genius to get it.
(Main image: AdultSwim)