Opinion

Questions I have for that little Dancing Hot Dog on Snapchat

Posted by
Sam Diss
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There’s a dancing hot dog filter on Snapchat that features not much more but a break-dancing hot dog – nicknamed Dancing Hot Dog – and a funky, kinda-disco tune, and it’s driving people wild. Numerous people are writing about it on several different social media platforms. But we’re not ones for taking things on face value, especially not if that face is an anthropomorphised one on a disco hotdog. We have questions...

Why are its eyebrows made of hot dogs?

Does it have a dick?

Wait… is the sauce a vagina?

Or is the bun the vagina?

Is the entire hot dog the dick?

When it fucks (and if it’s dancing, it’s got to fuck, because why else dance?) where does the dick go?

Is its dick also a hot dog?

Does… I mean, what are its eyes made of?

And its mouth?

Can it speak?

What secrets does it hold?

Does it have ears?

Are its ears black dots or hot dogs?

Are they like, a spiral Cumberland sausage?

And what’s that song?

Does it only ever listen to that same song?

Because you’d go fucking mad, wouldn’t you?

No wait: how are its ears that high?

Ears aren’t supposed to be above your eyebrows, are they?

Also, why aren’t its fingers also hot dogs?

Like, I understand that if it were humans, and your eyebrows and fingers were made of the same shit, that would be incredibly weird, but you know what I mean?

They made the eyes and the mouth the same thing, so clearly there’s some sort of genetic reasoning going on here?

Why aren’t its hands connected to its arms?

How are its arms sticking out of the bun like that?

What is that green stuff?

Is it supposed to be lettuce?

Who the fuck puts lettuce in a hot dog?

Why are its feet like that?

And yet its got knees?

It feels quite cruel to have knees but no dick or vagina, doesn’t it?

Where does it shit from?

From its arse, presumably, but where is it?

Show me the arse.

Its legs just sort of appear either side of its body, like hip height?

What is that about?

Also, why is there only sauce on two thirds of the dog?

Who does that?

And the breakdancing is quite smug, isn’t it?

I got the whole bounce-bounce dance move, but did it need the jump and spin?

Flash little twat: was that necessary?

What’s he dancing for anyway?

Not even got genitals, has he?

I’m getting quite annoyed now. What’s he smiling at?

Is he just enjoying his own dancing?

I get that, very Robyn, but he’s a hot dog – does he know he’s gonna get eaten?

Can’t wait for that. Let’s see if you can dance your way out of that one, eh?

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Sam Diss

The Associate Editor of New Projects at ShortList, Sam enjoys making up words to annoy editors, writing features about sports, music, weird things, and cool people, and listening to Mark Morrison's 'Return Of The Mack'. He's also a fairly capable centreback. Follow Sam on Twitter: @SamDiss

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