by Katie Meadway
She is definitely more gross than you - she’s just better at hiding it
If she farts in her sleep - don’t tell her. Especially not on the first night in your new pad.
Oh, and yes, she probably won’t want to get out of bed until 1pm on a Sunday (perhaps later if the previous week was particularly testing), she’ll eat almost as much if not more than you do and she will need the TV turned up to max to properly enjoy it.
At some point, you will have to pick up sanitary products for her
She’s out with the girls whilst you’re en route to the shop to pick up some beers and probably a pizza. Your phone goes. Yep, it’s the dreaded call where she asks you to pick up some sanitary products.
But you know what? Just get over it. You’ll score some serious brownie points.
Your weekends are now planned out three months into the future
And news flash: you’re more than likely about to have a shared calendar so now there’s no excuses as to why you can’t go to her cousin’s-girlfriend’s-brother’s 21st birthday party.
She will more than likely leave all the lights on as she wanders around the house
She’s ethereal, she’s majestic… and she’s also terrible at turning off lights.
But hey, you’ve got two options: follow her around in a passive aggressive manner turning them off in the hope that she’ll take a hint or just ask her nicely.
Yep, you’re going to have to put a shirt on and take her on a date occasionally
Yes, rent, yes, bills, yes, car insurance, yes, council tax. But also, yes, dates.
Just because you’re now living together doesn’t mean that you should get out of the habit of dating. If anything, it’s probably more important to make sure that things don’t get too comfortable.
So, grab the iron and make yourself look handsome as you frantically book her favourite restaurant.
You can chill out - just because you’re living together, doesn’t mean she wants a ring. Yet
Around 75% of cohabiting partners plan to marry their romantic roomie, according to The Annual Review of Sociology. But you can breathe - not every couple who live together are destined to walk down the aisle.
That said, it’s probably worth having a frank chat about what you want from the relationship but chances are, she’s probably just rolling with the punches as much as you are.
Choose your arguments
Repeat after me: “I still think you’re lovely.”
Learn this phrase quickly. Because when all the hot water has gone, you get a snarky text message or she’s complained about you leaving half empty glasses of water all over the place (WHY IS THAT A THING?!), remember to pick your battles.
You will quickly learn the true extent of her morning routine and just why it takes so long for her to leave the house
Why does she have to set an alarm 90 minutes before she have to leave the house?
Well, firstly, the first three alarms will get snoozed and then, secondly, she has to venture into the ‘morning routine’.
What you call ‘nagging’ is really just her ‘subtly reminding’ you to do something. There’s a difference
The sooner you learn the difference, the better, quite frankly.
Stopping WhatsApping your mates, ffs
If you’ve made plans to ‘chill together’ then put the damn phone down and pay her some attention.
If she complains about being cold, don’t be tight - put the heating on
Just for the record: “put another jumper on” is not a sufficient answer to this complaint.
Some things that she does will always baffle you
But perhaps we can help:
You’re right, she probably doesn’t need that many knives when she’s cooking.
And nope, she’s probably never going to find the time to read that new book that she just bought - it’s just going to get added to the ever-growing pile on her bedside table.
And there isn’t a particular reason that she’s keeping a five-month old issue of some celebrity magazine, no.
And bunting doesn’t really have any purpose.
BUT, if she’s folded pages down on her favourite shopping catalogue, you can bet your ass that that’s a hint.
Sharing a bathroom effortlessly takes time
It’s a bit like learning to drive - it could go splendidly or it could be a bit like a car crash.
You’re both going to need to learn quickly whether the other prefers to shower in the morning or in the evening, for example.
And there’s also a high chance that you’re going to be performing complicated dance manoeuvres around each other in order to co-exist in the world’s smallest bathroom.
She loves you, yes, but she definitely will still want time away from you
And rest assured that she’ll be delighted when she gets home and sees you afterwards.
And for the love of God, PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN