Good day.
This week, 22 installations into our 52-week Rock adventure (or Radventure, as some are calling it), I will be wearing tiny trunks, ensconced in Colorado, sunning myself and sipping mocktails in the shadow of the Rockies. That’s correct – I won’t be in this fair isle. I’ll be in the Rockies, thinking about my Rock-y.
This means, alas, that I cannot keep abreast of what Dwayne The Rock Johnson gets up to on the daily. For this I apologise to my fans but also, more importantly, the man himself. No, not Chinese prime minister Li Keqiang - I’m talking about The Rock!
I have decided, on account of my being indisposed in the baking sun of the mid-west, that I will write a poem about the huge man to tide me over until my return.
And here it is.
Dwayne gets pensive, ready for some poetry
With colossal arms and shaven head,
The Rock is quite the dude
He does a lot of working out
And eats a lot of food.
The Rock is bigger than your dad
The Rock is kinder than your mum
The Rock is so good-looking that
He makes your face look like a bum.
That’s right, your face looks like a bum
Compared to handsome Dwayne
Perhaps you don’t know who I mean
So let me just explain.
A one-time wrestler, all-time star
The Rock can fight and act.
Have you seen his rippling bod?
That dude is super-jacked!
As well as being sexy and
A very special breed,
The Rock is now a friend of mine
A treasured friend indeed.
The People’s Champion, Scorpion King,
The henchest guy in town
Compared to this big hulking beast
You look like such a clown.
I raise a glass of bubbly
To that constant inspiration
That massive massive massive man
That tower of perspiration
“What a man that Johnson is,
So humble and so wise.”
And as the bubbles meet my lips
I smile and close my eyes.
Stay hungry, stay humble.
Read The Rock Report archive here
(Images: Getty)
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