You know what’s shit? Being told you’re not allowed to drink anymore. Don’t tell me I’m not allowed to have a drink, because I quite like having a drink, thank you very much. So being told I’m not allowed to have a drink rightly irks me somewhat - it makes me need a drink. LET ME HAVE A DRINK.
But they’re just my words - my cry for help - there are others out there that also don’t like being told not to drink. Like a bunch of enterprising upstarts over in New Zealand, who, along with the rest of their town, were informed by the authorities that there would be no drinking whatsoever. Happy New Year!
In Coromandel, a ban on public drinking was enforced over the New Year period, with fines extending to £130 and/or an arrest. Have a drink, get arrested - not ideal. However, a plucky bunch of youngsters were having none of this bollo, and came up with an ingenious way to steer around the rules. Essentially, they built their own damn island, and got pissed on it.
As such, their new landmass was in ‘international waters’ and therefore exempt from the law - they could suck as many blue WKDs as they wanted, and nobody was going to jail. The have-a-go architects made their drinking plinth out of sand, and stuck a bench and ice-box on it, before wiling away the last moments of 2017 knocking back a feast of the drink, scott-free.
Local police commander Inspector John Kelly said of the endeavour: “That’s creative thinking - if I had known I probably would have joined them.”
My kind of policeman, right there: hat, truncheon, badge, stubby. I’d certainly feel safe under his sozzled watch.
Of course, makeshift islands aside, a public drinking ban is hard to enforce, and local community organiser (read: killjoy) Noddy Watts has revealed it’s just not working, and is simply leading to more arrests on ‘drunk teens’. He said:
“That’s not what [the police] are there for. That’s what parents are there for.
“The police and St John were getting frustrated with the result and said it has to change.”
I say let them drink. Let them lift a can to their parched lips and sip on the nectar. Let them strawpedo a whole bottle of Buckfast if they want to. Nothing bad has ever happened to anyone because of alcohol.
That reminds me, I’m off to the pub for elevenses. Chase me!
(Image: David Saunders / Facebook)