You’ve probably done a few weird things when you’ve been drunk - things that you may not have remembered. Woken up somewhere unfamiliar? No idea how you got there? Ever woken up naked in someone else’s house? Someone with whom who have zero connection to? Someone who thought you were their son? No?
Well, 29-year-old Marc Campfield from Brodon, Hampshire has.
He went on a night out in Farnham, Surrey (lovely place, if you’re asking), got kicked out of a club for falling asleep and then somehow heroically ended up inside 49-year-old Juliet Jarvis’ house, four miles from his house, naked. After waking her up at about 4.30am, she tucked him into a duvet, gave him a pillow and put him back to sleep, thinking it was her 30-year-old son, Stewart. Wasn’t though, was it?
He was only discovered the next morning when Juliet’s husband told her the following immortal words:
“There’s a naked bloke upstairs.
“And it’s not Stewart.”
Of course, that would strike a molten-hot spear of terror through my static heart and immediately send me defenestrating through the nearest window, but Juliet is made of sterner stuff, and simply confronted the lost boy.
Marc told The Sun: “I tried to bluff that I knew their son. The lady took a picture of me to send to him. I knew then I had been rumbled.”
Thankfully, instead of belting him round the head with a kayak paddle, she saw the funny, definitely-not-terrifying side, and even gave him some of her son’s clothes to cover his modesty (would not have been happy about that had I been the son, no siree).
She said: “We said, ‘Did you have a drink last night?’ He replied, ‘I think so,’ and we all started laughing. My husband ran him home. He was obviously house-trained as he knew not to walk mud through, his shoes were in the conservatory.”
She also wrote on her Facebook page after the incident: “I thought it was odd that Stew’s car wasn’t outside and a bit strange that he would come round in the early hours for a kip in my walk-in. But he looked like my son enough to pass a cursory and Stew changes his face and hair a lot.
“I thought his hand looked mucky, but figured it could be that his car broke, and just thought, ‘Ah well, Stewart does funny stuff… he can explain what he is up to in the morning.’”
Marc pretty much sums up this could-have-been-horrific-but-turned-out-altogether-rather-wholesome story:
“I could not have stumbled into the home of two more lovely people. They were so understanding.”
Too right. You don’t just let random naked men hang out in your house - at least check if they’ve got pizza or something first, Christ.