If there’s one thing the British people love - other than the weather, moaning constantly but never complaining, queueing, and moaning constantly but never complaining about people who jump queues - it’s sport. And if you think about it, queue-jumping is a sort of sport, so even that counts.
We love everything. If it’s got an element of competition and features any sort of vague movement, we’ll start a league, create a trophy, stick it on TV and go and watch it while drinking gallons of beer and singing.
But, of course, even within the field of sport itself, there has to be winners and losers. Which is why YouGov decided to poll Brits to find out what they thought the most boring and exciting sports were. See? We’ve managed to create a new sport out of sport itself. Sportception.
And the winner of the coveted title of ‘most boring sport’?
Step forward: golf.
That’s right, the pursuit famously described by various wits as ‘a good walk spoiled’ tops the chart, with a whopping 70% of those who had ever watched it describing it as ‘very/quite boring’.
Honestly, what’s not to like about very dull men walking round a big grassy expanse all day and occasionally tapping a ball into a hole once every half an hour or so. It’s absolutely mystifying how that’s taken the top spot.
Following closely behind in the dullsville stakes are American Football (very patriotic, like it guys) which is frequently criticised for the impenetrability of its rules and the many stoppages that take place,, and - may god strike down your heathen souls - cricket, which, in fact, is the best sport there is and if you don’t understand that that’s more of a reflection on you than the sport itself.
Meanwhile, there is an unlikely winner for ‘most exciting sport’, as football only manages second place alongside tennis, with rugby union and gymnastics just behind. The winner was… athletics.
Which I suppose is fair enough as it can be very exciting and there’s loads of different elements to it. But can it beat the thrill of a last-minute winner in a Tuesday night game under the floodlights at Brisbane Road, or a single run victory on a sunny day at the Oval? No it cannot.
Anyway, here is the full list:
Each to their own but we’d say Formula 1 has got off lightly and darts and snooker are, like cricket, clearly too subtle to be fully appreciated by the British public.
Now sit back, watch this for the next five minutes and realise just how wrong you’ve all got it.
(Main image: Chris Chondrogiannis)