- Dad - socks
- Mum - that new cookbook she’s been dropping hints about for months
- Brother - FIFA 18
- Sister - jumper (keep the gift receipt)
- Dog - a bow tie, to make him look like the classy gentleman he is
- Girlfriend - [BIG GAPING BLANK SPACE FILLED ENTIRELY WITH PANIC]
It is October, which as we all know, means that Christmas officially begun more than a month ago, and if you are a human being, you will probably recognise a Christmas list that looks a little like the one above.
Some family members - for me it’s always my mum - are top notch around Christmas time, because by now they’ve already let you know roughly six times that there’s one very specific thing they would like, thank you very much. You still won’t go out and actually buy it until Christmas Eve, but at least you know exactly what you’re getting.
Dads will always be happy with socks, so there’s never any worry there, is there? But then there’s always one person - it might be a sibling, a cousin, or - this is the worst one - a boyfriend or girlfriend, who is totally impossible to buy for. They’re probably the sort of person who just isn’t that into ‘stuff’, and when you ask them what they’d like, they give this exact - entirely unhelpful - response: “Oh it’s OK, you don’t have to get me anything.”
This, we all know, is a lie. You do have to get them something, because if you don’t they will be annoyed. This is because “you don’t have to get my anything” actually directly translates to “there is nothing I actively want, but if you don’t manage to delve deep into my soul, learn more about me than I know about myself, discover my heart’s true desire and present that to me, beautifully wrapped, on Christmas morning, then I will quietly hold it against you for the rest of your life.”
So what do you do with these impossible-to-buy-for people? How can we deal with them? Well, a 13-year-old girl might have found the perfect response, but warning, it’ll only work on someone with a sense of humour.
Yesterday, a man named Joel - who goes by WhuddupBoiz on Reddit - posted this image to the site, of the present his sister had bought him for his birthday, in response to his entirely useless advice.
When she asked him what he’d like, he replied with ‘whatever lol’, which gave her precisely nothing to go on. However, she decided to take his words literally, and got him a ladle - it definitely falls under the category of ‘whatever’.
Not content with just the ladle to make her point, though, she also printed off and - here’s the best part - laminated a screenshot of the message Joel had sent her, saying he didn’t care what she bought him.
He can have no complaints.
I fully respect the commitment that’s gone into pulling off this joke - the lamination really adds that personal touch.
Anyway, message to all family members - if you don’t text me what you want by the end of November then you’re getting a ladle, and I am passing this 13-year-old’s joke off as my own.