There are plenty of phrases we never expected to have to write. ‘A nurse has launched a four-letter tirade at Kinder Surprise’s creators over a toy bird with its plastic hands near its crotch’ is one of them.
Ferrero, who make the chocolate eggs in question, have been urged to take a long, hard look at themselves by ‘Rachael’, a registered nurse who discovered the toy in question and lost her shit.
“It is a green man TOUCHING HIS GENITALS,” Rachael notes (her caps) in a Facebook post shared with Australian parenting site Kidspot.
“Children are exposed to this disgusting act – what has the world come to?” she asks, while definitely and absolutely not getting mad online.
““A toy grasping its genitals is simply not appropriate. Why not a toy with its arms in the air as it sings?”
Now, we have a few questions about the whole scenario.
- How does she know the ‘green man’ even has genitals beneath that hand? Based on the head-torso-feet combo it doesn’t seem to be anatomically correct.
- Kidspot describe the creature as a bird, rather than a ‘green man’. But where are its wings? Has it survived a traumatic incident that we’re not aware of? Should we be cutting the bird some slack?
- Kinder told Kidspot that: 'Each toy is subjected to a long process involving designers, technicians, doctors, psychologists, legal experts and commercial managers, with the aim to offer children a great toy that is safe from every point of view.’ Is this a sly dig at psychologists, claiming they’re not ‘real’ doctors?
- Rachael suggests a toy with its arms in their air would be more appropriate. Did she think about how difficult it would be to fit that inside a chocolate egg which already isn’t exactly the most spacious thing around?
- How fucking big is that microphone? Seriously, it’s like half as big as the bird’s head. Can you even begin to imagine the amount of noise that would cause?
- It’s called Kinder Surprise. Surely it would be weirder if you got something you did expect.
- Aren’t there more important things to get concerned about than a Kinder Surprise toy?
Answers on a postcard.