Trump and Twitter go together like cheese and Nutella - both should be nowhere near each other, under any circumstances. So the news that Trump’s been boasting about the fact that he’s got a big red button on his desk, ready to plunge Mother Earth into a nuclear war that will destroy us all, and he’s done it on Twitter, is especially irksome (but nonetheless expected).
Here’s his amazingly bad tweet:
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 3, 2018
Obviously, feel free to replace “Button” with “dick” and it’s clear what’s happening here. But I’m not here to add my specifically obvious take on the subject (hint: it’s not good), because before I had a chance to gather my thoughts, KFC stuck their fried oar in. Look:
McDonald’s leader Ronald just stated he has a “burger on his desk at all times”. Will someone from his big shoed, red nosed regime inform him that I too have a burger on my desk, but mine is a box meal which is bigger and more powerful than his, and mine has gravy! #nuclearbutton— KFC UK & Ireland (@KFC_UKI) January 3, 2018
We are three days into 2018, and every single tweet and Facebook status hastily thrown up on December 31st, optimistically pining for a greater 2018 than our triumphantly drastic 2017, has already been made null and void. They have already been thrown into the giant flaming furnace that is 2018, it has eaten them in one giant gulp - we’ve trashed it already, everyone!
KFC have done the #nuclearbutton hashtag and 2018 is dust, toxic, heinous dust. We all died after three days, you guys - we’re in hell now.
Doesn’t look like McDonald’s have replied yet, and probs best if they don’t, eh? Down with brand banter, thanks. Gimme your lovely food and salty chips, yum yum yum, but leave the wacky tweets to, I don’t know, Russell Howard or someone. Someone I don’t buy food from, basically.
Anyway, I’m off to go and get a burger. Any burger - it’s burganuary, or something. I’ve abandoned any shred of hope anyway, I’m doing whatever the hell I want.
(Image: KFC/Twitter/Clipart library)