Animals, unquestionably, are better than humans. They never argue back, they don’t boss you around at work, and they don’t hold you to social commitments you 100% do not want to attend, but have to because you accidentally promised when you were drunk last week and have regretted it ever since. They just sit there being fluffy, give you cuddles, and yeah OK fine, they do quite a lot of shits, but it’s a price worth paying. Pets are great, period.
The best type of pets, I think, are stupid ones. Sure, smart dogs who you can teach to do tricks and go on Britain’s Got Talent with are obviously amazing, but you know what’s also great? Making your idiot pupper chase after a ball you never even threw, or watching your cat chase its tail so hard it accidentally falls down the stairs. Basically, you want a pet that’s clever enough to know its own name, but stupid enough that it pulls off viral video-worthy stunts on the reg.
This hamster, though – the one who is the star of this story – goes far beyond that on the stupidity-meter. This hamster takes the biscuit, chews it up, and then stores it in its cheeks for later.
The story was shared by @eeveeluti0n on Twitter, and has already been retweeted more than 92,000 times in less than two days. Her sister is a veterinary student, and was the one who actually got to experience it all in person.
It all started when a little girl brought her hamster to the vet because it hadn’t moved in three days. This immediately makes you think the hamster’s dead, doesn’t it? But it’s not. It’s alive and well, but just not moving, it’s sat still at the side of the cage, and has been for three days. It doesn’t sound great.
Right now it all sounds a bit traumatic, but, well, here’s what actually happened...
THE DUMBASS RODENT ATE A FUCKING FRIDGE MAGNET. IMAGINE IF HE HAD NEVER BEEN FREED. WHAT A RUBBISH, RUBBISH WAY TO GO. THANK GOD THEY SAVED HIM, THE IDIOT.
I’m a sucker for any animal story with a happy ending, so this does it for me. I like this hamster and I want him to be my friend. My small, furry, idiot friend.
The morals of the story are, a) Do not feed fridge magnets to your hamster, they are not nutritious and will almost certainly cause problems, and b) Stupid animals are the best.
(Image: iStock / Twitter)