"Is your pet guinea pig tired of wandering around the house unarmoured and vulnerable?" reads the eBay item description. "Do they get picked on by other guinea pigs? Has your guinea pig ever wanted to go with you to a Renaissance Faire but had nothing to wear?" Well do they?
If the answer is yes, you need to seek the help of a medical professional.
The item that warrants such reality-challenging words is this hand-made scale-mail and steel helmet set for guinea pigs. Money raised by the sale will go to the Metropolitan Guinea Pig Rescue in Virginia, US, home of the armour's previous owner, Lucky (hilariously pictured).
Devastatingly, Lucky recently passed away (no details are given as to how. We can only imagine he failed to fulfil his billing in the joust), hence the sale of the armour.
Doesn't the world feel like a better place now you know you can buy guinea pig armour? We're already looking to acquire some cat riot gear and a doggy flak jacket.