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A man plans to fly in a homemade rocket to prove that the earth is flat

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Gary Ogden
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A man plans to fly in a homemade rocket to prove that the earth is flat

I think one of the greatest rug-pulls of our lifetime would be if one day, we found that all the crazy flat-earthers that lived in Texas were right. What if the earth was flat, and for some unknown reason, the powers that be wanted us to think it was round. A weird, and perhaps pointless, lie, just for the hell of it - it would make me chuckle, that’s for sure. It would also make me question everything I had learned up until that point, but I’d still get a chortle out of it - if you can’t laugh, what can you do?

Only thing is, the world isn’t flat, is it, so that’s never going to happen. But hey, that proven fact doesn’t stop a select group of naysayers campaigning for a fake truth, does it? Like ‘Mad Mike’ Hughes, a 61-year-old limo driver and self-taught rocket scientist, who plans to prove us all wrong when he flies his homemade rocket into the atmosphere this weekend and shows us all a disc-shaped earth.

He’s spent a total of £15,000 ($20,000) on building his rocket out of scrap metal, as well as buying a motor home and converting it into a launch vessel. All extremely legit and safe, I think you’ll agree.

Mike said, of the ‘project’:

“I don’t believe in science. It’ll shut the door on this ball Earth.”

You tell ‘em, Mike. He continues:

“I like to do extraordinary things that no one else can do, and no one in the history of mankind has designed, built and launched himself in his own rocket.

“I know about aerodynamics and fluid dynamics and how things move through the air, about the certain size of rocket nozzles, and thrust. But that’s not science, that’s just a formula.

“There’s no difference between science and science fiction.”

He talks a good talk, sure, but my advice is: if you want people to take you seriously, don’t put the word ‘Mad’ before your name - just a tip.

Anyway, this isn’t actually the first time he’s blasted himself into the skies to nix “this ball earth”, because back in 2014 he launched 419 metres into the air in a makeshift rocket, before passing out due to the G-force, obviously. But this time it’ll be different, when he’ll heat 70 gallons of water in a stainless tank and zoom towards the sun between 2-3pm.

He aims to go at least a mile high, before pulling two parachutes to prevent plummeting to a fiery death below, and the whole event will be streamed live on his YouTube channel - so tune in to catch the great deception being smashed to smithereens. The sheeple shall finally be awoken!

After his jump, if he’s still alive, he’s mentioned that he wants to run for the Governor of California, because why not - if you’ve just proved the earth is flat, then it’s the least the state can do for you. I would vote for him if I could, fuck it.

So, as we prepare ourselves to finally learn the truth, let’s leave Mike with the last word on this extremely important and polarizing matter:

“It’s scary as hell, but none of us are getting out of this world alive.”

(Image: Mad Mike Hughes Facebook)

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Gary Ogden

Shortlist writer and "the least woke person in the office", Gary Ogden, likes horror movies, Cheestrings, tapping his leg under the desk, "having a drink", PDAs, not having eczema anymore, hiding from responsibility, screaming into the mirror whenever he is alone, and assorted other things. Mainly the eczema thing though. @garyblogden

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