By Tom Usher
Holy mackerel! Dang! Gosh darn! Big DT has only gone and blown the bloody doors off, and by that I mean he’s actually won the general election and is now officially leader of the free world.
He is now ‘President Trump’. But actually, hold on a rootin’ tootin’ second there, because he is actually inaugurated on Friday 20 January 2017.Between now and then, though, a lot can change. In fact there may still be a chance he might not even make it to the White House at all.
Let me try and soothe your furrowed brow with all the ways that he might not be able to.
SEXUAL ASSAULT CHARGES
It’s no secret that Donald Trump is a misogynist and a womanizer.
The immortal, disgustingly infamous line ‘Grab them by the pussy’ has become an election hallmark.
And according to legal documents, he’s been accused of raping a 13-year-old child, raping his ex-wife, and attempting to rape a former business associate.
It must be noted that anyone can file a civil suit in America, but if any of these were successful and the courts ruled against Trump, he’d be arrested and put in prison for a lengthy amount of time. Trump has vowed to counter sue everyone who has made allegations against him for defamation and, although the claims are in process, it’s looking like a lengthy legal battle for both sides which will mostly likely result in out-of-court settlements.
IMPEACHMENT OVER TAX EVASION
It’s also no secret that Donald Trump prides himself on being a successful businessman. Yet despite all his claims, it appears that rather than him actually being good with money, he is actually extremely bad.
Like, the failure of several of his businesses to the loss of $916m kinda bad.
Experts say that, under US rules, this could be large enough to legally shelter hundreds of millions in income from years of federal tax, which basically is y’know, illegal. So if any of this gets taken to the American courts and they find him guilty, the senate would have the power to rule against him in a vote, and if two thirds of the senate vote against Trump, he can be impeached and removed from office.
If the FBI were to open an investigation into his tax activities and found he had illegally avoided paying tax then he could be arrested, although no such investigation is underway at present and even the New York Times, who leaked the returns, themselves stressed that, although his losses were irregular, they were not technically illegal at this stage in themselves.
IMPEACHMENT OVER THE FACT THAT NO ONE ACTUALLY LIKES HIM
More things that aren’t secret about Donald, he is an extremely divisive figure. Not just on the left: on the centre, centre left or any direction really.
During the course of his election campaign there were numerous times that both his running mate Mike Pence and House of Representatives leader, and strong Republican voice, Paul Ryan have vocally disagreed with Trump’s actions and words.
The previous two misdemeanours, combined with a strong internal disagreement with his own party, could see them aggressively push for an impeachment before he comes to office. This would be aided by a Senate that, although is largely dominated by Republicans, may find Trump just too divisive a figure to be acceptable as president.
At this stage, there has been nothing but endorsements from his fellow Republican party members, but if public sentiment started turning against Trump, there could be the possibility of a list of charges being brought to the senate by a member of the House of Representative’s and a subsequent vote as a result.
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH SHOOTS HIM
Lastly, our David, a national treasure so treasured he is probably be the only person in the world who could get away with it, suggested recently when asked what to do about Trump that “We could shoot him.”
Seriously though, have you seen the new Planet Earth? It was one of the best things I’ve ever seen. I’m pretty certain if we just gave America a box set of the new series they’d let us get our Dave to assassinate him, maybe whilst soothingly narrating the whole process as he does so.