A parking space? Just £50,000. Studio flat? Prices start from £711,000. A riverside view? Already sold in a "pre-sale" event.
These are just some of the wallet-emptying details surrounding the Aykon Nine Elms tower - a 168m-high block of stone, terracotta and glass set to rise above London's SW8 postcode (just south of the Thames near Vauxhall) once construction is complete in 2020.
Built by Dubai-based developers DAMAC in sponsored_longform with Versace Home, the tower of luxury flats will be bedecked in marble kitchens and bathrooms, anti-skid porcelain flooring and a host of negotiable extras.
Beyond the confines of the flats, residents can explore 9,924 square feet of communal gardens, an indoor swimming pool, jacuzzi and a gym. Michelin-starred food? Just call the hospitality services. Bike storage? You'll have to pay extra - but if you're buying a flat with an in-house florist, you'll probably be able to afford it. There are two car lifts in the basement for goodness sake.
A sales event at London’s Dorchester Hotel on 21 June hinted at the majority of the building's key buyers: supercars and modified luxury vehicles sporting Kuwaiti and Saudi number plates were said to be filling the parking spaces around the famed hotel (though it's not uncommon to find exotic cars with foreign plates in this part of the capital).
"There is a huge appetite from our current global customer base for luxury property investments in London," Hussain Sajwani, chairman of DAMAC, told the International Business Times.
"AYKON Nine Elms presents an unrivalled opportunity for them to access the stable and established London market. AYKON Nine Elms, with Versace-branded living, is a truly unique concept and a fantastic addition to the residential market in this amazing cultural and vibrant city".
Culture and vibrance aside, London's housing boom continues to be a major draw on international investment. Should the first owners sell the flat when they receive the keys in five years time, they stand to make an immediate 23 precent profit.
It won't just be well-heeled internationals moving into the block though: 90 affordable housing units have been built in a lower level block (without a scrap of Versace in sight) that stands next to the main tower. These tenants will enter through a separate door - and we're almost certain they won't have access to the car lifts. Lambeth Borough Council will be looking after these properties, likely to be split between shared ownership and affordable rent schemes.
Their view? Not of Parliament or St Paul's, but Vauxhall's far more practical gasometers.
Bitter? Us? Bah - we never liked Versace anyway.